Review of The Chosen (2015) by Brian C — 05 Dec 2015

You know, I'll be honest. I have a soft spot for truly horrible horror films. The over the top, so-bad-it's-good silliness gets to me,and that was about all I was hoping for here. Somehow, The Chosen failed me even by that pitiful metric.

This is a bad movie, folks. Not fun bad or silly bad or too bizarre to look away bad, just bad. It's dull, illogical, poorly paced and poorly acted, and aside from the odd moments of dialogue so strange or character shifts so dramatic as to be almost laughable, there is nothing worth watching here. The writing is stilted and unnatural, the acting is bizarre, ranging between wooden and wildly over the top, the story itself is badly constructed and the conclusion is nonsensical and rushed. The premise itself is just too silly to be worth playing straight, but that's exactly what they try to do. There's a reason this thing didn't even get an opening in indie theaters, friends. We are looking at 88 minutes of crap.

Apparently YouTube stardom does not necessarily translate into talent, oops.

I love me some shitty Netflix fodder, I do. There is nothing better than a lousy horror movie and a pizza on a Friday night. But this movie is an abject train wreck and not worth wasting good junk food on. Do yourself a favor, watch literally anything else.