Review of The Canyons (2013) by Joe F — 06 Aug 2013

The Canyons is chock full of images of movie theaters no longer in business. How fitting. If this film is trying to make a point that cinema is dying a slow, painful death, it sure lives up to that premise.

'When's the last time you saw a movie you really thought meant something to you?' asks Lindsay Lohan's Tara, an aspiring actress who's stopped aspiring. She lives in lavish luxury by Christian (porn star James Deen, who can actually act), a producer with a wicked jealous streak, which isn't good for Tara's affair with an ex-boyfriend (Nolan Funk).

Christian also keeps her busy by bringing home various individuals for sex. The plot reads like a poor man's Bret Easton Ellis, and made all the more tragic by the fact that Ellis wrote the script.

That the director is the great Paul Schrader (American Gigolo, The Comfort of Strangers, Affliction) is the final nail in the coffin. Lohan, who hasn't starred in a decent movie in almost a decade, and this is no different, still has small moments that shows she can still act, but she's pretty much alone on a sinking ship.

The film is dead on arrival. Pity.