Review of The Canyons (2013) by Nicole A — 09 Jan 2014

This was supposedly going to be Lohan's big comeback, which makes this flick all the more sad. The lazy script is far more to blame than the actors. The story, while basic, had potential that was never fully explored.

It was like the directors decided to film the rehearsals and release that footage as the finished product. Deen and Lohan have interesting chemistry, but they don't share enough screen time to get the full effect.

Deen is a surprisingly half decent actor. Considering his day job is porn, that's a compliment. He pulls off the "rich kid douche bag" role fairly well. In a few glimpses, Lohan shows she still has acting chops, but you can tell she is struggling internally with something that has nothing to do with the script.

Her makeup is a mess, her face looks bloated and tired, her voice is ragged and sounds like it will die out at any moment, she looks a good five years older than me when, in fact, I am two years older than her.

In short, I feel sorry for her. The nude scenes reek of desperation; something to try and save a film that clearly lacks any substance or direction. And while Lohan has a great rack, there was really no need to show anything as sex wasn't even the central plot.

It was barely a plot at all. The film only started to get interesting right before the credits ran. The slight twist at the end was cool, I admit. Just as it looks like there could be hope for it to be good- BAM.

It's over. They would have been better off making this a softcore porno. Would have been way more interesting to watch. Instead you get an hour of the camera following actors around in real time (this is supposed to be artsy and interesting, I guess.

YAWN) and listless conversations between actors who look like they don't want to be there. Can't say I blame them.