Review of The Box (2009) by Dean M — 01 Jan 2011

SO a sinister man brings a late 1970's couple a box with a button and tells them if they push it they'll get a million dollars but end up causing the death of some random person in the world. 70's hunbun and hubbie fall for the shtick and suffer consequences. Film metaphorically explores human greed and capitalism....and leaves the viewer cold. As to the interesting scenario (which is original and entertaining ) here is how I would personally react...(it would probably make for a better movie):

Creepy Dude (I will call him CD for now) approaches my doorstep.

*rings doorbell*.

Me: Hello I.....YEE GODS WHO ARE YOU?!

CD: Did you receive my nifty box?

Me: You mean that creepy thing that looks like an atom bomb buzzer?

CD: *clears throat* Well yes.

Me: I've been using it as a planter.

CD: Could you please retrieve it. I have a bunch of odd rules that go with the box.

Me: Hold on I'll go get it. Sorry if it smells, I think the cat peed on it.Here you go.

(drops it on the table).

CD: *scrunches his nose up* (proceeds to explain rules like in the film...).

Me: Might I ask what happened to your face? I mean I have no idea why I would invite a random stranger into my home, but you give off this electric aura...

CD: I wasn't done explaining the rules, and lightning did it.

Me: Did what?...Oh the burns. Sorry I interrupted go on...

CD explains the rules.

Me: So....Okay....does it count as pushing the button if I smash the box?

CD: *looks alarmed* Whatnow?!

Me: You know, if I take the sledgehammer out of my basement and smash the thing to smithereens then bury it in a construction site where a hole of concrete is waiting to be filled?

CD: Why on earth would you want to do that?

Me: First of all I've seen Jumanjii. Secondly, You just said the box kills a person, basically. So if it doesn't end up being me accidently losing my integrity and pushing that drat thing....then my hubbie, who is very human and possibly greedy, may end up pressing the stupid button. So in effect I would lose either trust in my sanity or my husband or just lose sleep over it if nothing else. Me- I think murder is evil and you are very possibly a version of Satan.

CD: I'm not.....

Me: And for the record you just said that even if we do turn out to be saints, me and hubbie will know that somewhere out there someone may make a poorer decision than us.

CD: What are you suggesting?

Me: Well, if I am already playing the part of holier than thou I have to save others from making dumbass mistakes or getting all hyped on Pandora's box. SO..... am I getting the sledgehammer or not?

CD: DAMNIT YOU'VE RUINED MY SINISTER PLAN! *rings hand int he air*.

Me: Yeah well suck it!

*slams door*.

CD wanders off moping that his experiment has failed. The End.