Review of The Bling Ring (2013) by John M — 13 Feb 2014

Once again, Sofia Coppola has made a pointless movie with nothing to say. Based on true events, this is about a band of ne'er-do-well high school students that burglarize the residences of celebrities that don't secure their lavish houses well enough when they go out at night to party.

Speaking frankly, I have never been a fan of Sofia Coppola's work; I can't say that I've ever had a connection with any one of her movies, as even her most acclaimed films feel slow moving and contemplative, and what do you know, here is another one of her movies that goes absolutely nowhere slowly.

This is the most repetitious movie I have seen in recent memory; 4/5 of this entire movie is this group breaking into a house, gawking over/stealing shiny things, queuing loud music and substance abuse, rinse and repeat.

It gets really old really fast; seeing the same thing over and over again would be fine if there was either character progression or a point, but being that there isn't either, it ends up being completely masturbatory and self-indulgent.

Seriously, this could have been slimmed down to be a twenty minute story with the aid of a single montage, and it starts spinning its wheels with the quickness when you realize that there is nothing here.

These are all terrible people that are obsessed with gaudy material things like they're living in the Sex and the City universe, and I hated spending time with them. If it weren't for the in-your-face soundtrack, you'd be sure to fall asleep, and this feature is the equivalent of watching the trailer on repeat for ninety minutes.