Review of The Bag Man (2014) by Patrick L — 25 Aug 2014

"I don't even want to know what's inside the bag because it stinks".

DVD Movie Review: The Bag Man.

Date Viewed: April 27 2014.

Directed By David Grovic.

Screenplay By David Grovic and Paul Conway, Based on the original screenplay "Motel" by James Russo.

Starring: John Cusack, Robert De Niro, Rebecca Da Costa, Crispin Glover, Dominic Purcell, Sticky Fingaz, Martin Klebba, Mike Mayhall, Danny Cosmo and David Shumbris.

Oh Robert De Niro, NOT AGAIN! After starring in five terrible movies last year, you choose to do more crap. What's your excuse this time? You're doing this lame crime thriller so that you can get a free vacation to Hawaii. Is that right? De Niro plays, yes another crime boss and what's embarrassing about his character is that his name is Dragna. When that name popped up, I couldn't stop laughing. The strangest thing about this movie is that De Niro's character looks like an acclaimed director who De Niro has worked with in the past. Can you guess who he is?

If you guess Martin Scorsese, you are correct! You know what, let's just call him Marty throughout this entire review, that name will be much better than Dragna. In "The Bag Man", we follow a down-on-his-luck hitman named Jack (John Cusack) who gets hired by Marty (De Niro) to protect a bag. What's inside the bag? We never know. Marty tells Jack to hold the bag in a motel somewhere until he arrives but once he gets to the motel Jack encounters a femme fatale named Rivka (Rebecca Da Costa).

Soon, the night turns violently when two tough guys named Guano (Martin Klebba) and Lizard (Sticky Fingaz) try to kill Jack and Rivka but they manage to escape only to be arrested by corrupt county sheriffs led by Larson (Dominic Purcell). The cops want to know what's inside the bag if not they will rape Rivka but Jack and the femme fatale manage to kill the cops and escape from custody. When Marty finally arrives to get the bag, not only does Jack not give it to him, he wants to know what's inside the bag. Then you get a howler of an ending that have will you throw your popcorn at the screen.

When I first saw the trailer for "Hot Tub Time Machine", I thought this was going to be the worst movie John Cusack has ever done in his entire career but I was wrong. He looks so bored here and what about De Niro, he isn't that much fun as Dragna, I mean Marty. Rebecca Da Costa delivers a godawful performance playing Cusack's partner in crime. Crispin Glover is also in this movie playing the creepy motel clerk. What's inside the bag in "The Bag Man", I'll tell ya, bits and pieces of other movies like "Se7en", "Identity", "Killer Joe", and "Reservoir Dogs".

The cinematography by David Knight is dreary to look at and the screenplay by Paul Conway and first-time director David Grovic is way too silly and repetitive for it's own good. I don't care what's inside the bag, All I know is that it stinks.