Review of Tell Me How I Die (2016) by Thejuliepenguin — 25 Sep 2016

I don't know why, but the poor writing in this movie upset me more than poor writing usually does. Maybe it's because I'm a fan of Ryan Higa and Nathan Kress or maybe it's because I know that this movie could have been well made despite it's low budget. The writers did not utilize the talented actors, instead they pushed the plot through cringe worthy lines that no human would utter and had ridiculous dialogue to fit each character into basic stereotypes. An example of both of these things happening at the same time is in one of the first scenes. The main character is in a bar, joking with the bartender about winning the lottery and buying the bar. He replies with something along the lines of "Oh yeah? Prove it by guessing these customer's drinks." She then proceeds to guess a few accurately and then misjudges the film's love interest by guessing that he will hit on a drunk girl. Instead, he shocks her by asking the bartender to get a cab for said drunk girl. The main character literally swoons. First, in what world does guessing what drinks people in a bar will order prove a joke about owning the bar? I get that it was supposed to be foreshadowing future events but come on people. Try to do a good job. And the love interest's introduction was incredibly awkward and, surprise surprise, the character fails to have a single flaw throughout the entire movie. And swooning? Really? These are talented actors, you don't have to force them to physically show every emotion they're feeling, just let them act! Of course, the other lead characters' introductions were even more cringe worthy. The other female lead starts off by asking what sorority the main character is in and then complaining about 'daddy' cutting her Christmas budget in half, can she even believe it? Hey look, the dumb, rich blond. Another lead is introduced by him playing pool and showing off to the women and calling them 'babes'. Hey look, the jerk. And of course the love interest challenges the jerk to a pool match and they have an epic, manly pool battle. I mean, come on. It doesn't have to be this way.

As far as the plot goes, it's riddled with holes and falls into the trap of creating so many conflicts that the movie becomes ridiculous. A fascinating, well written movie could have been made with just the experimental drug plot. Have the subjects slowly lose their mind, wondering if anything they're seeing is real or not. That would have been a good plot. Then, they add the idea that all the subjects will be trapped in the facility. Alright, it doesn't make much sense but I'll go with it. Then they tack on a "corrupt experimenter" conflict. Fine, it's less interesting because it's been done too many times but I'll still watch it. Then they add a murderer who has no motive. Well, now we've moved into the realm of ridiculousness.

All in all, this was a film that never should have been made by anyone who took the time to read the script, and that makes me sad because with a little talent and refinement we could have gotten a good movie.