Review of Tekken (2010) by Joe H — 30 Aug 2011

Yes. I did watch this. Being a big fan of the older games (particularly "Tekken 3"), I couldn't resist. Well... When the movie wasn't being a glorified pile of sex it was actually kinda interesting. It is very clear, though, that they were attempted to help sell this movie by using that old cliche of "Oh, if we put a bunch of sex in it, it will sell like ka-RAZY!". Which. It didn't. And usually never does. So stop doing that.

But the story. Interesting. "Interesting" is a safe and terrible answer really because it can be bad and it can be good. Just like this movie. Hence. This movie was... Interesting. Honestly, for me, the only "good" parts about it were the fighting sequences, because it was neat to see a lot of the characters' different signature moves played out in person. I thought Lateef Crowder did a perfect job of Eddy Gordo, which is ironic because I hate Eddy Gordo, and Yoshimitsu was awesome as I knew he would be, except he didn't have nearly enough screen time. Jon Foo's Jin Kazama was... meh... He felt too small and young compared to the more burly Jin Kazama from the games.

Cary-Hiroyuki Tagawa as Heihachi.... No. Sorry. I have nothing against Tagawa, but if there was anyone that was not right for this part it was him. Again, no offense to him, but Heihachi is not supposed to be a wirery old man. He's supposed to be huge, menacing, and, more importantly.... FIGHT. And the way they designed his hair?..... REE-DIKUHLIS! Absolutely ridiculous.

Another thing I liked about this movie, though, was that during the fight sequences they actually used the original video game characters' vocals (exertions, grunts, cries, etc.), so I thought that was a really neat touch.

The ending battle with Bryan Fury was ridiculous. It was ridiculous because they didn't build it up AT ALL. Like, aside from seeing just ONE FIGHT with Bryan Fury, you almost didn't know he existed. And then all of the sudden he's supposed to be the big bad guy that's gonna tear your head off at the end. So that just didn't even work.

To me, this movie actually felt very similar to "Street Fighter: The Movie". If it wasn't for the modern-day filming look I would have sworn this movie had come out about the same time. Even the dialogue feels like it belongs more in a 90's film. And then something that occurred to me by the end of the movie... I suddenly realized that this movie had the distinct characteristics of a fan film. From the acting to the dialogue to the music to the acting. And dialogue.

So, in conclusion... If someone could make me an edit that contains only the fight sequences, then I would like this movie. But you throw in the story and sex...? That's gonna land ya a solid 1 star. And it only gets THAT *because* of the fight sequences.