Review of Teeth (2000) by Shovik S — 13 Jun 2010

Teeth has an excellent premise that is ripe for both horror comedy and sexual satire but it fails miserably on both levels and leaves you wondering just how the writers could get something so horribly wrong.

The film opens with an ominous shot of a small American town with a nuclear power plant in the background. Immediately we know that we are going to be dealing with some kind of genetic mutation as this opening has been the staple of many B-Movies in the past. The mutation turns out to be a girl with Vagina Dentata, which are vaginal teeth! The problem we face is that it takes the film a good 45 minutes until we find this out. For the opening 45 we have to endure boring scene after boring scene of a young Christian girl who has taken the vow of abstinence and takes it on herself to spread the word. This part of film should contain a good dollop of sexual satire but it's done in such a way that it simply bores you to tears.

When the Dentata are finally discovered the film picks up slightly, we are treated to some gory scenes and a little black humour but the problem is that we all know the direction the film is going to take, it's obvious that the girl is going take advantage of her special mutation and we end up in a typical revenge style setting for the rest of the film.

Teeth was marketed as a horror, it's not, it's mostly a boring teen drama with a few gory moments thrown in there. Avoid, unless you want to be bored out of your mind!