Review of Teeth (2000) by Adam F — 22 Mar 2013

There are a lot of things that work in "Teeth" but for everyone segment that's clever and well made, there are others that really fall flat. The premise of the film itself is pretty clever and original and the way the movie is made, you never have any moments where you think to yourself that the whole premise is ridiculous. Although we never actually get to see the Vagina Dentata, we get some clever clips from the "The Black Scorpion" to give us an idea of what it might look like and there are some pretty good visual representations (mostly old works of art) that are shown during the movie as well so you get the idea without having to suffer through the horrifying experience that would be the close-up of the girl's toothed anatomy. The clips of "The Black Scorpion" spliced in with a fantasy sex sequence are particularly effective and actually quite funny.

What doesn't work in the movie is the uneven tone and supporting characters. It never quite feels like a horror movie despite the bloody and gory sequences and although there are a lot of bits that are funny, you feel dirty laughing at them because most of them are placed directly after a disturbing rape scene. There's a total of three rape scenes in the movie with an additional implied one towards the end and a ton of genital mutilation and that just isn't really funny. The movie never really acknowledges what has happened either, it just shows you some sexual assault, a scene of comedy right after and then moves on, never really portraying how traumatic these events would be. It's not that the idea is bad, it's just that this idea needed to go way further instead of just dabbing in the comedy and horror genre. If you'll pardon the unintentional pun, the movie doesn't really feel like it has enough bite to it. It can't commit to being funny (by keeping the idea of a naïve woman who accidentally murders everyone she has sex with) or being horrific (by staying with the disturbing themes of rape, incest and the eventual mutilation and murder of the villains).The movie also gets really tiresome and even insulting when every single teenage male is depicted as sex-crazed and ready to rape at the first opportunity. The movie is being sold as "The most alarming cautionary tale for men since fatal attraction" but even this tagline makes no sense. Is the movie saying that you shouldn't rape people or treat women because you might get your penis cut off? The idea that the fear of mutilation (instead of say, explaining why assaulting someone is wrong) is a great motivation for preventing sexual assault is insulting but then again according to the writer all men are just itching to violate young women.

"Teeth" is more of a disappointment than a movie that will genuinely offend or shock you. If you're watching this movie knowing what the premise is you can probably handle it (assuming you can get pas the previously mentioned offensive material) but you'll be left wishing it had gone all the way with either horror or comedy instead of being a mediocre mix of both genres. There are funny moments, scary moments and unsettling moments in "Teeth" but there's a better movie about a carnivorous vagina that's waiting to be made and this is just a semi satisfying place-holder until then. (Dvd, March 21, 2013).