Review of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (2014) by Matt R — 06 Sep 2015

I think everyone saw this coming with me. Just by the trailer I knew this movie was going to be a waste of my time. Unfortunately I had time to waste on a flight in coach in an uncomfortable seat and needed a way to fend off that cramped feeling by being in a tube with too many people. What better way to force people to see your movie, but in a plane where everyone is dying of boredom. First of all I will say the action was as good as can be expected from Michael Bay. Sure there were explosions, but fortunately with ninjas the opportunity is less than with robots from outer space. Awww Michael, you mean you might actually have to do a decent job, poor baby. I will tell people that I did enjoy Splinter kicking ass. I especially liked the use of his tail in the fighting. Actually Splinter was the best part about the whole damn movie. Second best would Shredders newly improved armor. The use of the blades were a nice touch and very fun to watch. These two things and only these two things brought me joy. The turtles has a lot of the same character of the original, but they ramped up the stereotype too much. My favorite was always Donatello and they just turned him into a stereotypical nerd. Also the brothers did not work together like the other movies. I didn't since the love coming from them. I wanted to see more of the playful relationships between them. Eric Saks was not convincing and lacked vision as a true villain. I am going to release a virus and only I will have the cure, ha ha ha ha! Then I will be rich, rich! *face palm* That is the most typical plot you could choose. Wait a minute wasn't that used in...oh yes its coming to me...The Amazing Spiderman! Wow that wasn't even that long ago. Gee Michael, couldn't you just think this out a little bit more. Shredder barely had a part in it. He was just the stupid muscle. Now where is Casey Jones in all this? I mean really, he was a macho man and you wanted to hit him, but he had personality. The type of guy that you can see April having a love hate relationship with. Instead we get Vern, the driver, camera man? He adds nothing to the story and succeeded in pissing me off every time he spoke. Speaking of April, I knew Megan Fox was going to ruin this one. I might have a resting bitch face, but she has a resting duh face in everything she is in. April was one of my childhood hero's. She was a strong capable woman in the old movies. It is just like the movies today to pick someone with a pretty face and no spunk what so ever. She just looked like she didn't know what was going on the entire time.

I would not recommend seeing this movie, even if it is for free and you are bored out of your mind. I suggest seeing the old ones, even three, because three was better than this one.