Review of Ted 2 (2015) by Mark W — 22 Oct 2015

Family Guy creator Seth McFarlane always struck me as the type of humorist that had a seemingly endless amount of jokes. His animated show has been hugely successful for years and seems to have the ability that The Simpsons has, in terms of staying power and maintaining a high standard of entertainment. However, that ability to provide the goods is severely lacking from this second instalment.

In order to make his marriage work, Ted (Seth McFarlane) and his new wife Lynn (Jessica Bartha) decide to have a baby and go looking for a suitable sperm donor. However, in the eyes of the law Ted is not a human and therefore unable to adopt or even for his marriage to remain legal, setting forth a struggle for him to prove his place in society.

When he delivered Ted in 2012, fans of McFarlane's humour were happy with his transition into feature length and with a profane and anthropomorphised new character in tow, he was on to a winner. Ted was a comedy gimmick that worked and I was happy to see more when this sequel was announced. That said, this doesn't bring anything new to the table and is so boring you're likely to fall asleep halfway through our cuddly friend's one syllable name.

The jokes (if you can even call them that) are regurgitated but this time they really don't stick. It's hard to imagine that the creator of Family Guy actually had anything to do with this. I'm not one who's easily offended. In fact, I actually welcome risquà (C) jokes but a film that has nothing more to offer other than how many black penises appear on the Internet every time you use a search engine frankly verges on racism and isn't even a funny gag the first time, never mind the third or fourth attempt.

It's never a good sign when you feel the need to force out a few disingenuous laughs but I found myself doing that here. I was almost trying to convince myself that there was something here but I should've known from the start; the song-and-dance sequence alone is overlong and, ultimately, pointless and from the outset you get the feeling that McFarlane has started padding before the opening credits have even finished.

Call me old fashioned but I was always under the impression that a comedy should actually consist of, erm... comedy. This whole, misjudged, cock-centric affair is absolutely bereft of humour and considering it's so overly concerned with the male genitalia it's actually quite limp and fails to perform when it matters. It only succeeds in being turgid, tedious and a hugely disappointing and desperate attempt to recreate it's predecessor's wonder and magic.

This is a one trick teddy, overstuffed with a (fully justified) inferiority complex. Ted's inability to procreate echoed that of my feelings towards the film itself. To paraphrase wiser fellas than myself... it's a rocky place where my seed could find no purchase.

Mark Walker.