Review of Swimfan (2002) by Adam R — 03 Oct 2009

NOTE: The movie I'm reviewing here is Attack Girls' Swim Team vs. The Undead, but it's not in the Flixter database so I'm writing the review under the film Swimfan. With a title like "Attack Girls' Swim Team vs.

The Undead" I guess I was expecting a lot more. I mean, christ, what an awesome title. I rented it right after seeing the title. This low-budget Japanese film is about a high school zombie outbreak where the only people immune to the virus are the swim team, because of the chlorine in the pool.

So I was expecting a movie with a team of kick-ass Japanese school girls fighting hordes of the undead with lots of hilarious action. What I got instead was pretty disappointing. First, the zombies look horrible - they just have some criss-crossed purple veins on their face and some green spots.

Second, there's only 2 of them - 2 psychotic teachers. Where's all the student zombies? The guy is armed with razor sharp yardsticks and cuts people to pieces with them, the girl has a chainsaw and for some reason speaks english.

And when the all-girl swim team finally arm themselves and go on attack, all of them are killed in seconds except for the main character. What a let-down. Her and the other main character have a 10-minute long lesbian scene, with lots of fingering and kissing, and it's like what, am I supposed to jerk off to this or something? And it's sick when it's revealed that they're sisters.

The best part of the whole movie is when the chick shoots a lazer out of her vagina, for no reason, which makes the villain explode into a hurricaine of blood and guts, but not even that can save this awful, awful movie.