Review of Swamp Thing (1982) by Chad O — 25 Dec 2009

Against my better judgment I allowed myself to be coerced into watching this movie. All I can say is, I want those 90 minutes of my life back. The film is filled with such unbelievable circumstances it's hard to even try to take it seriously but it's also not quite stupid enough to be 'so stupid it's funny'.

Maybe if I was a comic book fan or had first seen the film and Adrienne Barbeau's boobs as a pubescent teenage boy *ahem* I would have more appreciation for it...I don't know. What I do know is that it takes forever to get going and when it finally does, it only disappoints.

A hot government agent is sent to the swamp to do something (I'm not sure we ever really know what) with a zany doctor/scientist and his crew. She's not there more than 15 minutes before the romance music is cued up and there's kissing.

A magical formula is discovered and rogue numb-skulls are after it - lot's of ridiculous things unfold...my personal favorite being when the heroine is running away from the villains in her HEELS while they chase her in their TRUCK and are unable to catch up with her *slaps forehead*, a bunch of people die and the SWAMP THING is created.

Don't worry, he's got a heart of gold though. Yada, yada, yada...I won't ruin it for you in case you want to waste some of your life as well. Don't say you weren't warned!