Review of Swamp Thing (1982) by Richard L — 26 Jan 2011

Swamp Thing: Part human, part plant, all man in a rubber suit. This cheesy, weakly told comic book adaptation is pretty much what you'd expect from an early-80s sci-fi/action film, so instead of outright criticism, I'll write down what I "learned" from Swamp thing.

-A formula that creates hybrid animal/plant cells makes plants grow fast and turns humans into physical manifestations of their personality (sometimes with plant characteristics, but usually not). It can also explode.

-A creature that uses brute force can be considered a master strategist.

-You can clean up after running around in the swamp by bathing in that same swamp.

-No one will ask questions about the random woman tied up at your dinner table.

-In order to make your film longer, have your mysterious hero choose not to speak for the first few encounters. The reason is unimportant.

-Hunter's cabins will often have a change of clothes for everyone, even for the stylish woman.

-It is possible to kill a man by pulling his hair.

-Your plant arm will grow back quickly by being exposed to sunlight, but only if you are in a dungeon. Walking around in the sun will not work.

I'm sure there were more, but I neglected to write things down as I was watching. The thing I was most impressed with was how many actors they got to walk around in what appeared to be a real swamp.