Review of Suspect Zero (2004) by Noel K — 10 Sep 2010

I already knew this was going to be a bad one, so just I jotted down random stuff while watching it, and rather than writing a review, I'll just copy and paste it here (cuz I'm lazy):

Oh god Ben Kingsley, what happened? You played Gandhi!

Camerawork seems like it took its inspiration from the lowest-tier TV crime dramas.

Aaron Eckhart's character â?? thrown to us w/o background, and suddenly we're supposed to be frightened that he's being stalked. Why should we care? Compare to Clarice in Silence of the Lambs â?? the reason her character was interesting wasn't only because she was a woman. It's because the movie took the time to build her as a character. The fact that we have no relation with Eckhart and his ... eh, I should go back to watching.

Flashbacks â?? oh god why?? jump cuts of random b&w action shots don't tell us anything!! blargh.

The movie builds tension and suspense, but at no time did I wonder what's going to happen next â?? I just kept wondering why the movie was going through so much effort to get there.

Oh jeezus, they just brought up a black hole as a metaphor.

STOP TRYING TO PROGRESS THE PLOT WITH RANDOM FLASHY SNIPPETS OF B&W FOOTAGE.

Oh look, the main character found a love interest in the only (slightly) developed female character.

*cue mildly suspenseful synth*.

This scene were a cop pulls over the bad guy reminds of that scene from Fargo. That was a good scene. This one probably won't be. Yep, it wasn't. And we never found out why he got pulled over.

I'm such an asswipe â?? watching this random avant-garde footage found in the killer's home is the most interested I've been in this movie so far. Sigh, why does this movie do something cool this far in? It's already beyond saving....

Oh goddammit, they decided to throw in a paranormal angle. The movie was working fine without it!

â??Are you afraid!!?â?? â??No, cut my legs off!!â?? - 2 seconds, later, they're buddy buddy.

Oh, it's over. kthxbye.