Review of Superman Returns (2006) by John N — 13 Jun 2013

So this is what Bryan Singer gave up X-Men 3 in order to do this hunk of garbage. It has been seven long god damn years since I have seen this first movie so I thought what better way to cope with it than to have a couple of cold ones. Hell, even as I am typing this right now, on a Tuesday night, I am already six beers in and after watching this I wish I had six more to go with it. As am typing this, right now, I am a wee bit tipsy/drunk so half of my review will be like this.

It's hard to tell, whether or not, Lois Lane knows anything about Superman's real identity because the movie doesn't clarify it much like the dozens of other things that weren't clarified within this movie. Superman barely does any super heoreing in this movie other than stopping a plane from crashing, stopping a bank robbery, and stopping a car from crashing into people. I find it funny that it takes an hour and fifty-two minutes, yes I did timed it again, for Luthor to come into paths Superman. Lex Luthor's minions in this movie are a bunch of odd balls. One of them likes to record stuff on his camcorder, the other wears Joker ink and likes to play the piano with little kids, and the other is Kumar. So in a way, Cyclops beat out Superman over a woman. It doesn't get any better than that. Even after Lex Luthor was 'defeated' it didn't have a real resolution. This movie is nothing more than two hours and thirty minutes waste of my fucking time. Overall, this movie just comes to show that it is alright to be a super powered being, have a bastard child and let someone else take care of him for you. 2 stars.