Review of Superbabies: Baby Geniuses 2 (2004) by Battletoads5Lyf — 28 Mar 2013

This is the single best game of all time. If Gaben, Dale, Jesus, Calvin of Calvin and Hobbs, and Nicolas Cage collaborated on a game it was pale to the sheer mastery that is Battletoads. I am going through Battletoad withdraw even now, 43 words into this review.

Imagine the best feeling in the world. That is slave labor in a North Korean (best Korea) lumber camp, forced to work long hours at the threat of your young child's life relative to the level of euphoria realized by even the settings menu of this piece of art.

I didn't think it was possible to capture the magnificence of the original Battletoads and condense it to my phone, but it happened. The graphics are just as stunning as the original NES game, the controls just as tight.

The characters are endearing and the humor adds to the fantastic story. The gameplay is fast-paced yet wearisome it was not; I had to resort to less than "traditional" methods in order for my feeble mind to respond to the stimulus Battletoads has to offer; my neighbor "Dope" Dan and I became quite close acquaintances, or would have if it weren't for the draw of the game.

This game is without fault, bar none, save for the fact that it is not endless, however the replay value and incredible story depth, as well as subtle references drew me in for playthrough after playthrough.

I could easily log hundreds of hours if it weren't for my pesky human body not being able to handle the incredible volume of dopamine coursing through my mortal veins and its inability to function great lengths of time without nourishment and intestinal relief, although the latter difficulty is easily solved by a trip to Walgreen's for a 24 pack of adult diapers, unfortunately I depleted their stock before long.

All in all, this game is better than going out for mint chocolate chip ice cream with Jesus, the guy from the Dos Equis commercials, and Olivia Wilde while riding a Charizard. In fact, comparing Battletoads to such a scenario is ridiculous, as is any comparison, because this level of quality is in a class of its own.

All else is trash's trash, regurgitated by Satan and Hitler. Anyone who has ever enjoyed anything absolutely must pick up Battletoads. Just be sure you have enough adult diapers.