Review of Super Mario Bros. (1993) by Julio B — 15 Jan 2013

Bob Hoskins channels John McClane and George Costanza into creating the perfect balance for his Super Mario character in this film promoting progressivism and centralization as ideas worth fighting for.

Many complaints about this movie can be dismissed due to the impossibility of making a movie based entirely off a video game without it coming off as too ridiculous and over the top. Mind you these complaints come from gelatinous oafs whom have no understanding of the concept of de-evolution, therefore are too slow witted to understand the true meaning of this film.

The soon to be late Dennis Hopper plays the dictator Bowser Koopa who at times could be considered ruthless, was nonetheless dealt a bad hand when the meteorite made Earth and the Mushroom Kingdom separate dimensions. Resources had to be conserved and a monarchy had to be put in place to keep society in line. Viewing this movie you despise him for his love of mud and hatred for mammals, but at times still able to relate to him when he's upset at how long it takes for his pizza to arrive.

Luigi Mario (John Leguizamo) and Mario Mario (Bob Hoskins) get sucked into this dimension when the princess daisy becomes a hostage to King Koopa. In this wild non-stop thrill ride the whole family can enjoy, one can't help but be the least bit sympathetic to Koopa. Once a noble tyrannosaurus rex now evolved into a tyrannical dictator has no choice but to get the missing meteorite piece that can merge earth and the mushroom kingdom into one. Koopa's feelings towards Earthicans was one of disgust, but who can blame him? His whole word was a large city about the size of Manhattan and outside of that an endless desert (The Koopahari to be exact). To make matters worse there is a fungus problem effecting the entire city or as Mario said, "Great a city wit athletes foot".

If there is one complaint that can be issued as valid it would be Toad was some hipster douche in leather when he shouldn't have even been included in the movie. Though that does not last long when he is turned into a goomba in the de-evolution chamber. I still wish raptor Yoshi the Koopa Family pet would have torn him to shreads.

This movie has it all, dancing goombas, witty dialog, high octane in your face chase scenes, kidnapped prostitutes, and a couple of unlikely plumbers from Brooklyn saving the world from a dictator of low moral fiber.