Review of Strangeland (1998) by Tristan G — 21 Mar 2009

Extremely Boring. Oh my gosh.

This film is De Snyder's directorial debut. I never want to see another film by his again. This film has officially taken the beauty of a human body and made it something ugly. This film is very stupid and really quite unpleasant. Sure, it may not be quite as bad as David "The Demon" Defalco's LAST HOUSE ripoff... CHAOS(2005), but it is certainly very cheap and dumb. At least it actually has a real message though. Beware of strangers on the internet. This is a good lesson and a good message, so for that, the film at least has something to be proud of. But otherwise, I feel that the film is a waste of time and money. The plot revolves around Captain Howdy(Dee Snyder), a foolish goofy looking man who enjoys kidnapping young people, tying them up, and... piercing them?!?! now obviously, this guy is a sadist, but not in the traditional sense. You see, this is all he does. He doesn't kill them(at least on purpose as it seems), he doesn't appear to sexually violate them, he doesn't even really threaten them all that much. At least at first! There comes a point in the film where a particular thing happens to him for a particular reason by some particular people. I don't dare to reveal what, but somehow this causing him to not only pierce, but violate and kill. It doesn't really make much sense. Listen, if you are a fan of horror movies or Dee Snyder, you deserve better. I just happen to think that one of the most attractive people in the movie making business is Linda Cardellini, and she is in this film. In fact, she's right on the front cover. This is the only reason why I decided to view it in the first place since I knew early on that I wouldn't like it. But she is wasted and used and her body is shown being distorted and destroyed in this terrible film. I think that it is awful that she was used that way in a film like this. I find this film to be very boring and ponderous and not scary at all, at any moment. Dee Snyder looks extremely stupid in this film. He looks sort of like a cheetah crossed with a retarded bull. and wait till you see what happens to him at the end, if you can make it that far. I barely could. I actually fell asleep a few times while watching. It's so poorly made that it's terrible. Don't watch it.