Review of Stranded (2013) by Mmmmmace — 26 Dec 2013

The opening scene made it seem as if the movie would be action-packed, but within a few syllables, it became clear that none of the actors were going to try to bring the stiff and poorly-contrived script to life. No effort was put toward researching space or science, and less still toward making the characters sympathetic or interesting. Frankly, the first 'symptom' I expected to see of the lone female's alien infection was that she'd want to sleep with every male aboard the ship, because it was that painfully cliched and clunky in its portrayal of that female, as well as its portrayals of sanity, alcoholism, space travel, technology, and basically all of the subject matter in the movie (though that short list about sums it up, if every one of those things was described by a third-grader who had no concept of them).

The soundtrack is one I'm fairly sure I've heard before while listening to Apple's GarageBand pre-made music loops library. The 'remarkably stupid lady we're supposed to buy as a scientist gets pregnant with alien horror' plot was boring when Prometheus did it, but they at least had Michael Fassbender.

By the end of the movie, I was rooting for all of the characters to die simply because they deserved it by being so utterly stupid. The writers project a future grimmer than Idiocracy, if that's supposed to represent the scientists who would be chosen for such an operation-- especially considering the amount of emotional and mental instability prevalent in this crew of jackasses even before the alien spores appear to make them into grotesque parodies of craziness.