Review of Steamboy (2004) by Frank V — 02 Apr 2005

In today's era of filmaking excess, when there is no limit to the amount of money studios are willing to lavish upon their pet projects in order to hit box office gold, Oscars, or most likely both, production costs are thrown around as some kind of sign of a film's intrinsic excellence. But over the last couple of years, the amount of money going into a film is more of a warning to filmgoers than any kind of draw. That might partially be to the fact that most big-budget films of the last couple of years are based on shit any brain-dead, NASCAR loving American knows already. "Pearl Harbor", "Titanic", and "The Alamo" are failures [at least in my eyes] because they rely on "historical fiction" where the history they're aping is far more interesting than the two-dimensional characters and sappy love stories they want to push on us. I remember hearing about the travesty that was "Pearl Harbor" long before I broke down and rented the damn thing, and even though I gave it the old college try, I couldn't bring myself to watch the whole movie, the combination of Bay and Affleck was a combination so revolting I was forced to end my suffering before I had to eat lunch twice . So, like many others, I skipped ahead to the actual Pearl Harbor bombing, which was far-and-away the best part of that whole debacle. Seriously, some people in Hollywood need to come up with some more imaginative titles, because when you name a movie "Titanic", you know everyone in that theater is going to be waiting to see a huge fucking ship sink, not two little dip-shits fall in love.

So, when most discriminating filmgoers hear references to production costs in every review and ad about a movie, they would take that as a sure sign that said film is most likely a typical Hollywood cash-cow, looking to woo them with pretty visuals even if it's at the expense of story and dialogue. And I'd say that, for the most part, they'd be correct. When you get the financial big-wigs involved so deeply in production, you know the whole affair is going to be tweaked to try and reach as many demographics and rake in as much dough as possible. When men and women with hundreds of millions of dollars to throw into a movie decide to go all in on a project, they expect a return, and they'll do damn near anything to make sure they see a profit. Only the most talented of directors and writers can take the kind of run-of-the-mill fodder that the average viewer slobber over, and the constant pestering and nit-picking of their financiers, and STILL manage to turn in quality work.

Katsuhiro Otomo is that kind of filmaker. Since his first film, the groundbreaking and, quite deservingly might I add, critically lauded "Akira", Otomo has had his hand in some of Animes best work, including "Memories", "Metropolis", and the fucking outstanding "Perfect Blue", which remains one of my favorite FILMS of all time, not just in the anime genre. His latest, "Steamboy", is well-known for being the most expensive anime ever created, and boy does it show. Ever since "Vampire Hunter D: Bloodlust" was released, I considered that film to be the finest example of animation PERIOD. Even Pixar's quality work couldn't compare to the visual orgy that was "D", but it looks like we finally have a new champ, and its only natural that Otomo be taking home the trophy. Back in '88 when Otomo released "Akira", jaws surely dropped at the attention to detail, cyber-punk flair, and sheer scope of the Akira Crew's animation, and for years it stood as the most impressive animated film ever created. With millions of dollars behind him now, Otomo's vision has been blown up to massive proportions, and through a combination of hand-drawn animation and computer animation, "Steamboy" will leave you drooling and stupid, urine rolling down your leg like a fucking vegetable when it's all said and done. Honestly, it's beautiful, and you'll have a hard time watching any other anime with that new benchmark still burned into your brain. It's like your first taste of good pussy. After that, the low-grade streetwalker stuff just isn't that appealing anymore.

The story is set in some bizarre version of 1800's England, a land teaming with fantastical machines and inventors, and the key to everything is steam power. Young inventor Ray Steam is the offspring and grandson of two legendary maverick inventors, both in the wilds of North America working on their greatest invention to date. When a group of shady thugs show up at the Steam's cottage, looking to get their hands on the "Steamball" Lord Steam [Rays Grandfather] has sent him, the film goes full-throttle and throws poor Ray in between his father and grand-father, two men with very different ideas concerning science and the proper use of the all-powerful Steamball. Ray's father wants to use it in his mammoth "Steam Castle", a hi-tech fortress that will be set loos upon the London Worlds Fair as a demonstration of it's power and eventually sold to the highest bidder. Lord Steam wants nothing to do with his son's dreams and his financial backers, and returns to London to try and throw a wrench in his son's plans.

Honestly, this movie has more action and violence than an LA Lakers Championship celebration, and once it gains momentum, it doesn't stop until the very last second. Of course, this full-tilt style of filmaking doesn't exactly lend itself to character exploration or meaningful introspection, so anyone going into this film looking for the typical Otomo brain-fodder to go along with the bloody proceedings will probably be dissappointed. I guess this would be the kind of short-comings one would expect when a large sum of money is sunk into a movie of any kind, and Otomo's "Good Science vs. Bad Science" theme is almost thrown at you, while managing to have very little to do with the proceedings. Honestly, everyone could have been arguing about the pros and cons of circumcision or who the true talk show queen is, it's really that unimportant. I guess you could be dissappointed by that, but as I mentioned earlier, it had to be expected. The good thing is, Otomo realizes this too, and to keep the affair interesting, he's constantly bombarding you with stunning visuals and greased-lightening action. It ain't "Akira" by any means, but it's great fun.