Review of Star Wars: The Last Jedi (2017) by Chenchi M — 08 Jan 2018

To understand why so many people hate this movie, imagine you went to see 'Frozen II'. You don't know much about it other than it it takes place 20 years later, is about Anna's daughter who has inherited Elsa's magic, the critics love it, and it looks like a remake of Frozen. So you pack the kids up to go see it. And this is the story: Anna died, and Elsa tried to kill her child (Young Anna) because she was afraid of her magic. Elsa is now an old hag living in embarrassed isolation while Young Anna tears up the world. Olaf is covered in brown snow because of global warming. Desperately, the towns people seek out Elsa to save them, but she can't and Young Anna has everyone trapped in a castle and she is slowly freezing them to death. Two people sneak out through a tunnel to find help but come back empty handed. So they all sit there staring at themselves about to die when in pops Oaken. He starts a fire to warm everyone up (silly maidens need a man's direction), then he knits magical winter overcoats and escorts everyone out of the tunnels to safety. A tadpole is saved along the way, to which it is exclaimed 'Now it was worth it!' And, by the way, it turns out both Elsa and Young Anna both draw their magic from sucking the souls out of baby forest animals, so every scene in the original frozen where Elsa used magic is now associated with baby rabbits dying in their sleep.

Yes, this would be 'interesting' and 'thought provoking', and every critic review of the last jedi would apply. But then again a film about a guy in his mid-20s not named Roy Moore having gay sex with a high school boy just won a Golden Globe, so that is film critics for you.

I know people who liked the movie. They didn't care about the plot holes or how it makes no sense in the context of films I-VII, they just liked the pretty. People happy to not see a formula-matic action movie might be 'pleasantly surprised'. The last time I was this 'pleasantly surprised' was when I saw The Thin Red Line. I'm done with star wars now. I felt like the butt of a bad joke having been conned into seeing this. It won't happen again.