Review of Star Wars: The Last Jedi (2017) by Zorak30 — 20 Dec 2017

This is the worst and most awful Star Wars movie yet. The movie is terrible. It doesn't fit into any of the other movies. Logically the movie falls apart worse than any other Star Wars movie yet. Most of the movie centers around a rebel (I won't call it resistance, that was a stupid and unnecessary name change from The Force Awakens) group of transports that are running out of gas getting chased by the Empires most powerful fleet. Don't ask me why but apparently the imperial fleet has nothing that is faster than rebellion transports and their tie fighters seem to all be broken down at once.

If you ever wanted to see Luke Skywalker milk an alien. Then this movie will cover that base. If you want to see General Leia surrounded by a bunch of women to make modern feminist happy this movie has you covered. If you want virtue signaling about how awful rich people are this movie has you covered. At one point Leia busts through a door by using the force. When this happens you will expect the spice girls to run into the room and yell GIRL POWER. You will also get to see Leia fly through space like Superman. Because that is exactly what every Star Wars fan has wanted for 30 years. What you won't get is an amazing lightsaber battle featuring Luke. You will get to see a bunch of AT-AT's fire at a projection of Luke, though. Because that is what we've all been waiting for since the Return of the Jedi. Did I mention this movie is awful?

If you wanted an actual Star Wars movie that embraced the spirit of the original then do not see this movie. This is a Disney movie. For some reason, they felt the need to pepper every serious scene there is in the movie with awful humor. The movie opens with one X-Wing flying right up to the imperial fleet. For some reason instead of blowing up the X-Wing, the Admiral of the imperial fleet starts arguing with Poe. I actually thought I was watching a bad commercial. I could not believe this was the start of a Star Wars movie. This is a modern Matrix Reloaded. Every fan theory or idea that you had about this movie is better than what you will see. I feel like I waited 30 years to watch Luke Skywalker milk an alien. I have never left any movie shaking my head but that is exactly what I did when I left this movie. Star Wars is dead. Disney sucked the life out of it. You'll be begging for George Lucas to make the next movie after seeing this. The prequels look like a golden age compared to this monstrosity.