Review of Star Wars: Episode II - Attack of the Clones (2002) by Oliver H — 11 Mar 2016

Of the six Star Wars movies to have featured George Lucas in their conception, 'Attack of the Clones' is by far the weakest entry. While the first installment in the prequel series, 'The Phantom Menace' may have failed to live up to the excitement and sheer brilliance of the original trilogy, it still provided enough fantastical escapism and innocent joy to allow youngsters to become engaged in the Star Wars universe as their forefathers had back in 1977. With this follow-up, however, George Lucas has drifted so far from what made his creation so beloved in the first place, and descended into the realm of dreary soapiness, shallow romance and an inexplicable obsession with glossy special effects in place of good storytelling, rendering 'Attack of the Clones' a tedious experience at best, and to date, remains the only Star Wars movie I make a habit of avoiding.

If Star Wars were a television series, this would be the show that everyone would warn you about: "Episodes I and III are okay, but be wary of the one where the blonde kid blabbers on about sand" is what they'd most likely tell you. The truth is, 'Attack of the Clones' isn't as bad as it is boring, and the plodding contents of the movie actually match its equally uninspired title. Despite the disappointment of 'The Phantom Menace', Episode II was a second chance for George Lucas. With the re-introduction now completed and paid for, 'Clones' was the installment that should have made the effort to really steer the Star Wars ship back on course, but instead, Lucas drifted it further out to sea. Rather than reignite the franchise in a way that Episode I failed to, Episode II dowses the flame.

Unlike my review of 'The Phantom Menace', in which I was relatively forgiving towards the picture due to its impossible task of living up to the original movies, I feel less apologetic towards this second installment (or fifth, technically speaking.) Set approximately a decade or so after the events of the last movie, the plot of 'Attack of the Clones' centers on an assassination plot against Padme Amidala (Natalie Portman), former Queen of Naboo now reduced to the role of a mundane senator, for reasons that are never really divulged. Jake Lloyd, who portrayed the ten-year-old Anakin Skywalker in the previous episode, has transformed into the slightly older and handsomer Hayden Christensen, but beyond his pleasant appearance and more advanced age, Anakin remains every inch the mopey sap he was the last time around; what a catastrophic error of judgment. At its heart, this entire trilogy is Anakin's story, and more specifically, his transformation into the dark lord of the Sith, Darth Vader. The trouble is, there is not one single aspect of Anakin's personality that can be deemed even remotely attractive or relatable in any way. While it would be a cheap shot to criticise Hayden's less-than-stellar performance, his underwhelming acting skills strike me less as a product of inexperience, and more likely the result of poor dialogue and Lucas's blatantly incompetent directorial skills. In spite of what George Lucas may have us believe, Anakin's internal frustrations are not compelling, at least not in the way they've been handled here. We all know who Anakin ultimately becomes, and his struggle between the light and the dark should be fascinating to watch as it gradually unfolds and continues to haunt the young Jedi Padawan. The trouble is, rather than come across as a volatile young man struggling with his inner demons like a Jekyll and Hyde type of character, Anakin is more like a whiney teenager rebelling against his parents (or in this instance, mentor) for not letting him stay out late. When his constant complaining and creepy lusting after Padme isn't getting on my nerves, his childish temper tantrums are making me cringe. Are we really expected to believe that this boy is going to evolve into one of cinema's greatest villains? Right now, I'm having trouble suspending my disbelief, no matter how young and naïve the would-be Vader is at this early stage.

As events continue to unfold, we're subjugated to one of the most meticulously plotted romances to ever pester our screens, as Anakin's lust for Padme blossoms into a fully formed romance. The trouble is, much like the overused special effects, the Anakin/Padme romance is a distractingly superficial one. The movie constantly informs us that these two are in love, but at no point is there any hint of genuine chemistry between them. My thoughts turn back to the considerably more exciting romance shared between Han Solo and Princess Leia in 'The Empire Strikes Back', a relationship that began life as a unique mix of teasing and flirting, that gradually evolved into a love story. What's more, in spite of their differences, Han and Leia always made sense as a couple. Their personalities clashed regularly, but at least they actually had personalities. These cardboard cutouts we're left with in 'Attack of the Clones' show know signs of individuality. Neither Hayden Christensen or Natalie Portman appear to posses the acting talents required to bring this sterile script to life, and by the time their love finally reaches its fruition, I'm left cold. No matter how many beautifully constructed waterfalls or lush green fields ILM creates, nothing can constitute a replacement for legitimate emotional investment, which is what's really lacking here.

The rather tedious love affair aside, what are we actually left with here? 'The Phantom Menace' at least possessed a sense of wonder, and although it was often shallow, I won't deny my enjoyment at witnessing the pod race sequence or the climactic final battle between our two Jedi leads and the enigmatic Darth Maul. There was a sense of rediscovery in Episode I that's desperately missing here. Rather than take the screen by force, the plot just sort of plods along, as though George Lucas hashed out a first draft in an evening and decided to start shooting the next day. As a special effects experiment, 'Attack of the Clones' is certainly impressive, but there's also a weightlessness to everything that occurs onscreen. The by-and-large absence of practical effects means that the universe ILM have created feels too much like fluid, completely intangible, and it's difficult to suspend any disbelief when I'm very aware that what I' watching has been generated on a computer. Ideally, the movie should have utilized a mature blend of practical and digital effects, but Lucas seemed far more interested in pushing the technical wizardry further than was necessary.

Equally distracting are the blatant rip-offs of Ridley Scott. I know they say 'steal from the best', but I suspect Lucas took this advice a tad bit literally. With 'Gladiator' released just a year after 'The Phantom Menace', it's blindingly obvious that Mr. Lucas took 'inspiration' from the coliseum sequences and decided to incorporate them into his own works. That's all well and good, but when 'Blade Runner' is also incorporated in the narrative in a similarly unsubtle way, things start to look a bit suspicious. What's more, these said action sequences lack both the grit and the excitement of the aforementioned films, and harking back to my previous point regarding the intangibility of the visuals, its impossible to become invested in action sequences when they bare less resemblance to the power of cinema, and seem more akin to extended videogame cutscenes. When the clones do finally attack- which, ironically enough, doesn't even occur until the movie's third act- the screen is utterly void of tension. The Clones Wars have been teased ever since the original 1977 picture, with Luke Skywalker and Obi-Wan Kenobi discussing the mysterious period in excited hushed tones, and now we're finally witnessing them for the first time, only to be left cold by a bland struggle between digitally rendered clones and digitally rendered robots. More concerning, the climactic battle on the hive world of Geonosis is only the first battle of the Clone Wars, and with just one more installment remaining in the trilogy, it seems like a miscalculation to introduce the actual war so late in the game- bearing in mind, the franchise's name is Star Wars, not Star Senate Disputes. There's always the alternative of watching the 'Clone Wars' animated series, but ideally these movies should have focused more heavily on the wars themselves and less about their origins.

I could discuss Christopher Lee's criminally underwritten role as the movie's new antagonist, Count Dooku, the 'insert here' replacement for Darth Maul, or Ewan McGregor's mildly decent imitation of Alec Guinness, but it all seems so inconsequential when considering that the movie failed to grab me in the first place. My inability to invest is what ultimately ruined the picture for me, and if you're audience doesn't care about the characters, then they're even less likely to care about the events transpiring onscreen. 'Attack of the Clones' amounts to little more than a visual effects experiment, with George Lucas's rushed script and lazy directing adding up to nothing more than an excuse for ILM to work their wonders. I'm not against experimentation, but can't escape the notion that it feels irresponsible to do so in a franchise as renowned and beloved as this. I appreciated the visual effects in Episode I, but by Episode II it all starts to feel a little overwhelming, and without a decent narrative thread running throughout this series worthy of investment, I feel hard-pressed to recommend 'Attack of the Clones' to anyone outside the Star Wars fandom. Watch for the purpose of completion, but ultimately, this is a very hollow and underwhelming affair at best, and nothing more than a necessary step closer to 'Revenge of the Sith.'.