Review of Star Wars: Episode I - The Phantom Menace (1999) by Jeff B — 07 Jan 2016

Inspired more by video game culture than the pop culture phenomenon that spawned it, the Phantom of one-note characters and overly-busy plotpoints Menaces this frenetic candy-colored prequel starter from the get-go. Ill-conceived and ill-executed, this eye-popping sugar rush ends up to be as childishly simplistic as the original film seemed to be. George Lucas once smartly gave up the reins to this franchise but foolishly brings down the glory of his past triumphs by failing to channel any of their cinematic greatness. Worse, nothing really monumental happens.

In this PG-rated sci-fi adventure, two Jedi Knights escape a hostile blockade to find allies and come across a young boy who may bring balance to the Force, but the long dormant Sith resurface to reclaim their old glory.

Shouldered with one-note material, Neeson tries valiantly to act around insipid dialogue and an overly-busy plot. It's impossible to rescue the film from oblivion when he has to share screen time with an apple-cheeked, over-acting kid and amphibious, floppy-eared, Reggae-sounding, comic relief in the form of Jar Jar Binks. A horribly miscalculated attempt at branding a new fan favorite sidekick a la R2-D2, this annoyance proves to be the entertainment equivalent of one of Jabba the Hut's stools. Even the action in Phantom amounts to very few thrills, the frenetic CG-rendered goings-on quickly divesting your attention span. Soulless, slipshod, plastic, and boring, the film makes for a dull origin story. And it bears repeating: Worse, nothing really monumental happens.

Bottom line: The Force Slumbers.