Review of Star Wars: Episode I - The Phantom Menace (1999) by Denis M — 02 Sep 2014

During the penultimate battle scene ramp up you think for just one freaking second that this has finally become a Star Wars movie. Then the main general turns to Jar Jar and says "Ouch Time!" and your hopes of this movie ever not sucking turn to ash in your mouth.

Thankfully I've separated "Anakin" from the majesty of vader because holy crap does the kid playing him suck in literally every scene he is in, he looks like he had to leave the set to pee in almost every scene.

Phantom Menace is also the most racist one, Jar Jar is on par with some of the worst crimes white people have committed. The Darth Maul fight is pretty badass and merits a star though.