Review of Star Trek: The Motion Picture (1979) by Dave A — 06 Mar 2011

After reviewing the 2009 Star Trek (which is technically the eleventh and the first instalment in its own right) and Generations, I have covered all the debuts of Trek fillms.....except one. The dubious first motion picture, simply and blandly called; Star Trek: The Motion Picture. Let this title be a precaution regarding the quality of the movie.

Right off the bat, you'll be brought back with the whole retrofitting of the Enterprise and proclamation of Kirk becoming its captain again. Too bad for Decker, who goes on to much more promising things raising seven kids in the years to come! So the Enterprise is being re-fitted......for a LONG time...too long of the movie as I start tooooo zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz....

Whoa, the credits?! Already? Let me go back and watch that again! Damn. That's the problem with this movie. It's boring as hell to watch. There's all the politics and silly side stories; Bones being "drafted" back into duty, Spock seeking the Kolidahr on Vulcan and then receiving a "calling", Kirk getting the ship to warp capabilities..I GET IT! Shit, just get to the damn mission already.

Once there, the ship encounters the alien, and must spend another ten minutes real time traversing it to the core. Yawn. The light show made me sleepy, and the crew's faces were probably being made in reaction to test footage of the movie being shot. Just grizzly, this is desperate film entertainment.

Fast forward to the end and you'll discover that the alien was attempting to return and be with the creator again. The dad of Seventh Heaven joins up with the alien light show and ta-da! Kirk, Earth and the rest of humanity are saved. Oops spoiler alert.

The problem is that the first Star Trek movie doesn't knows what it is. Is it a jettisoned episode of the Original Series? An homage to 2001? The whole re-birth of the alien certainly conjours up 2001.

If you ever suffer from insomnia, pop in this snoozefest. It features an interesting premise and alien being, but its handled too deliberately and is truly boring. Even after 10 hours of sleep the night before, and a light day of grocery shopping on a Sunday, I was still passing out by the midway point of this one. Perhaps I need a sixth viewing. Screw that, give me Khaaaaan!! lol.