Review of Stander (2003) by Erik K — 02 Apr 2005

I really think that the job of Editor is really one that is vastly underrated in film. You know that a good Editor had their hand in a film when you don't even notice the editing. When a film moves fluidly from one scene to another, you know that whoever was in the editing booth was doing excellent work. On the other hand, an Editor will automatically be jumped on for poor work, mainly because it's so easy to tell when someone's doing a hackjob in post-production. Admittedly, there are few things more annoying in a film than fast, illogical frame jumps, or when there is little or no segue into to very different scenes. If you're watching a fast car chase in one scene, and the next is a slower tempo dialogue scene, there needs to be some kind of segue that eases you into the slower tempo. Really, an Editor is very similar to the Fluffer in porno's: when they're at their best, you never know they're there, but when they fuck up, it shows, mainly with flacid penises.

"Stander" seems to have caught the poor editting bug, and unfortunately for main editor Robert Ivison, the only cure for the disease is a good old-fashioned blood-letting...or maybe amputation, depending on how severe the infection is. Ivison's hack work is really upsetting, mainly because "Stander" seems like such a slam-dunk concept, and it stars my favorite up-and-coming action star, Mr. Thomas Jane. In recent years, there are VERY few new action stars coming out, and even fewer of those are worth watching. One is The Rock [you can't deny the man's charisma], two is Tony Jaa [of Ong Bak fame], and three is Jane, who's probably been in a lot more films than you might think. Since 1992's "Buffy the Vampire Slayer", Jane has put in a lot of time as a second-bannana, or in some of his smaller roles, fourth or fifth bannana, but he's finally getting his time to shine, show off his admirable acting chops and his well-tuned physique [which I, as a straight man, must say is impressive]. Some of you might be saying, "Hey, what about Vin Diesel?", and you'd probably be saying that in your high-pitched, girlish voice. First, Vin Diesel is nothing new. Two, he's only made two good movies, one being the original "Pitch Black", and two being "A Man Apart", a movie which really should have been made in the '80's alongside "Commando" and "Robocop". Plus, he's named Vin Diesel, which is quite possibly the gayest name any man could possibly have. Plus, it took Ahrnold six fucking years, when he made "Conan the Barbarian", till he made his first lame-ass family movie "Kindergarten Cop". Now, if we're to start from Vin Diesel's first STARRING role in the aforementioned "Pitch Black" till he made the unspeakably lame "Pacifier", it's only five years. Come on dude, build a fucking foundation for yourself first before you go and do that shit, cause you saw what happened to Arnold, straight fucking downhill.

Getting back on track, the other appeal of "Stander" is that it's true life roots are PERFECT for an action movie. It's '70's South Africa, when the white "Afrikaners" are still ruling over the black majority through apartheid, devoiding much of the country's slums of proper sewers, electricity, or disco. South African cop Andre Stander, fed up with the system, decides to start robbing banks, because, as the man himself said, "A white man can get away with anything in this country". Stander goes on a spree, blowing through dozens of disguises and banks in the greater Capetown area, until the police department is forced to stop their oppression of the black citizenry and actually catch the man who's committing real crimes. But the story doesn't end with Stander's arrest, but really kicks into high gear when he, along with two other jailed bank robbers, perform a daring prison breakout and go on a crime spree the likes of which the continent had never seen. The gang would rob as many as four banks in a day, even robbing some banks TWICE in a day. Known for their massive balls and horrifically bad costumes, the gang rampaged through South Africa until Stander, having fled the country, was gunned down by police in Florida.

Thomas Jane, as I mentioned before, is the rare action film star that actually has some acting skills. The man simply rules in this movie, and I would add this performance as further proof that this guy should be making big-time, big-budget movies, not nimrods like Ben Affleck. Unfortunately, the man's gifts simply can't save the whole thing. Partially to blame would be Director Bronwen Hughes and Screenwriter Bima Stagg [huh?] who never seem to be on the same page at any point. They never seem to agree on whether the film should be an action movie or a drama, whether they should be going for laughs or character development, who should be the master and who should be the gimp. Much of the time, neither one wins this argument, so we end up with zero character development and a shocking lack of action. When your central character is a real-life-cop-turned-bank-robber, a lot of action is somewhat implied. The film seems to have earned it's R rating mainly through nudity, because I've seen more blood in PG-13 movies, or that one Winnie the Pooh movie where Eeyore commit's a horrible, bloody shotgun suicide...or maybe I'm thinking of something else.

Unfortunately, for every great thing about this movie, there seems to be two or three things off setting that greatness. The costumes are great, the acting competent all around, and Jess Hall's cinematography is fucking outstanding, leading me to believe that "Stander" might be one of the best looking movies in recent years. And while Director Hughes can't seem to make his mind up about the story, his shots are often terrific, and quite a few of them are very inventive. So the movie, though spotty, truly is a thing of beauty in terms of it's physical appearance. Of course, if I'm to continue with the "movie as a body" analogy, the film also has Down's Syndrome. Like a beautiful Down Syndrome sufferer, the movie is nice to look at, but at the same time confusing, illogical, and nothing ever seems to work quite right. For example, the soundtrack works well at times, pumping out '70's classics and awesome, wah-pedal riding, "Dirty Harry"-style action music, but at other times the soundtrack seems dead or simply nonexistant. Also, the Drama aspects have no punch whatsoever, like when Andre is arrested or when he's issued his divorce papers in prison. These key moments are rushed through, partly due to the aforementioned bad editting, and glossed over. I can't imagine any screenwriter, no matter how incompetent, writing a script where they simultaneously set up foundations for character development and ignore them at the same time. But, this is one of those movies that prove these dipshits really exist.

The nail-in-the-coffin in this one is definitely the editting, though. It seems neither the director nor the screenwriter told Mr. Ivison what the fucking film was about, so, ever the consumate professional, Ivison decided that HE wanted to make an action movie, so he just started cuttin', and cuttin' often. There's no rhyme or reason to it, he just seems to go with the flow, namely his own....and his flow sucks. Eventually, you simply grow tired of the constant, jarring scene jumps and you start to pay more attention to something calming, like maybe a kitten. Kittens are cute...and I'm rambling.

I can't really recommend the movie whole-heartedly, which is really a letdown, because I expected so much from this flick. I still have hope for Tom Jane, which is to say that even if the rest of the movie falters, the man still remains cool. If you've got a long, boring night on your hands, you might want to drop by your local video store and check it out, but it's not on my "must-buy" list by any means.