Review of Spider-Man 2 (2004) by Doctor S — 19 Aug 2013

Good Lord, I thought this was supposed to be one of the best superhero movies ever (refer to Leonard Maltin, Ebert, Tomatometer scores, etc), but it's just as bad as the first. I split that review into The Good & The Bad and since they can repeat their mistakes, so can I.

The good:

J.K. Simmons as J.J. Jameson is the best part of the movie. AGAIN! By far. He's hilarious, and thankfully has a larger role in this one.

Doctor Octopus is one of the best comicbook villains, and Alfred Molina does a great job. Also, the most (and perhaps only) convincing CGI in this movie went into animating Doc Ock's metal tentacles.

Bruce Campbell plays the world's biggest asshole usher. What's not to like there?

Tobey Maguire's Peter Parker becomes Christopher Reeve's bumbling Clark Kent and produces many slapstick laughs despite the odd insertions. I howled at the bicycle tire mis-repair.

Kirsten Dunst is still a cute Mary Jane, but also kinda pissy this time so maybe that's a wash.

The BAD:

Smeg, half this thing is lovelorn moping between two masters of juvenile behavior. At the time I didn't realize this PG-13 meant 'preteen guidance recommended for anyone over 13.' As deep as a slip-n-slide.

"I've been reading poetry." Extend that assessment of juvenilia to the writer(s).

Artificially intelligent, sentient metal tentacles - that are EVIL??? They didn't mention he bought them mail-order from Skynet.

The closeups of Tobey Maguire's ridiculous screams. Maybe this should go in the 'good' category. You can't unscream them now, Tobey, but I bet you wish you could.

Too obvious when CGI characters are fighting, wrecking a scene when the impossible physics don't. I doubt it looked any better in 2004.

Oh, did you notice how the incredible magnetic attraction from Octopus' mini-sun does not affect his very metal appendages? How convenient when you want to throw in yet another fight scene.

I gave the first Spider-Man two stars as well and consider it slightly better than this drawn-out insipid teen drama with fisticuffs. I won't be finding out how Spider-Man 3 compares, as my Spidey-movie-sense is tingling like a bastard.