Review of Soultaker (1990) by Josh S — 23 Apr 2014

The byproduct of when people with no talent write and star in their own movies (M. Night Shamaylan are you listening?), Soultaker uses this formula to create a perfect storm of bad film making. "Starring" Joe Estevez, brother of Martin Sheen (were Don Swayze and Joey Travolta busy?), Soultaker is about a group of teens who get into a car accident because their stereotypical 80s douchebag buddy, who can only be described as a homeless man's Brian Bosworth, crashes them into a tree. Preordained to die, the two protagonists tempt fate and survive, but in a comatose state (the audience can relate) and now they must escape the Soultaker as he tracks them down in a sort of dream world as he tries to take their souls. It's "The Final Sacrifice" meets "Nightmare on Elm Street" meets "Final Destination" meets an extra chromosome.

The amazing part of this movie is that nearly 2 decades before the advent of modern 3D movie technology, they made it feel like Joe Estevez was actually popping out of the screen and taking my soul as I watched this movie. However, the true star of the picture is the jaw of Robert Z'Dar. A snub on the list of the 8 Modern Wonders of the World if there ever was one, your jaw will drop (pardon the pun) when you catch a glimpse of this guy. Forget 3D, this guy's jaw is in 4D. He puts the "man" in mandible. What was I saying? Oh yeah, best movie ever.