Review of Sorority Row (2009) by Matt R — 21 Aug 2015

I wanted to turn this movie off about 30 seconds in and it just got worse and worse from there. Incredibly predictable and formulaic. You can figure out the killer the second he is introduced. The ending gets convoluted, and no one's motivations are clear. Plus, everyone is a bitch. There are just degrees to how bitchy they are. There's mega bitch, stupid bitch, naive bitch, skanky bitch, judgmental bitch, and so on and so forth. Why am I supposed to care when any of them get killed? There is very little suspense until near the end and most of the kills happen quickly with little inspiration behind them.

This would have been so much better if (like the original movie) it was sort of comedic. The unique thing about the original was that it was sort of a goofy, dark comedy (like Don't Tell Mom the Babysitter's Dead) and became a really atmospheric slasher towards the end. This remake has nothing going for it. Nothing to make it stand out from many of the post-Scream era slashers. It's not even really a remake, so there's no point watching it for that. Basically, like most slashers and remakes, it's a pointless waste of time. And not a good one at that.