Review of Snowpiercer (2013) by Jon M — 23 May 2015

Man has destroyed the Earth and now the only survivors live on a train. Yes, a train. They have been living on that train for 17 years (it just a keeps on a rollin), and a class system has evolved.

First Class tickets run the train and the freeloaders are the bottom of the barrel. The freeloaders' clothing are tattered, their faces filthy. They somehow figure out how to shave. Huh? They should all have beards.

This is a dark movie. Not dark in a sinister way, just dark. As in I can't see dark. It did get a little lighter after about 35 minutes when a window was opened.

There are fights. When they fight the camera shakes.

The freeloaders eat protein gel that is made out of... bugs I think. I couldn't really make out what it was made out of. Maybe it was explained later on in the movie. I can't tell you because I could only handle 45 minutes of this crap. The First Class tickets eat steak. Maybe they have cattle on the train. Who knows? What a stupid movie.

In fact, it's a terribly stupid movie. The keepers of the train routinely do a freeloader head count. Why? Who cares? If the First Class tickets hate the freeloaders so much why don't they just kill them? They keep them alive and persecute them for unknown reasons.

There are junkies on the train. The dope looks like silly putty that they somehow manufacture on the train. Good God, how did I manage to watch 45 minutes of this crap? If you enjoy watching crappy movies for a laugh, then SNOWPIERCER may be for you. If you want to watch a good movie, definitely hop over this dog. It's garbage.