Review of Slender Man (2018) by Ben A — 08 Sep 2018

This movie was absolute garbage. One of my major issues with the movie was the fact that there was a sign when I was walking into the theatre that said something to the effect of "If you have epelepisy do not watch this film" I figured it was something like the classic banned Pokemon episode where the team behind it just wasn't thinking and threw in some flashing lights, but they came off as intentional, as a way to get the movie banned in order to create controversy. Sadly, though, this movie was not banned and it still even remains in theatres today.

This movie would've been watchable in 2012, however in 2018, its lack of substance, or anything that makes it scary, is just bad, and we as an audience would no longer just enjoy the movie because of the character that we all knew and loved back then.

The actual slender Man has like arthritis for some reason and so every time he movies it makes this popping sound, it doesn't come off as unsettling, it comes off as "oh, I would immediately know the location of slender man if he was anywhere near me because he pops like a god-damned chiropractor's office.".

Slenderman also has a fetish for trees. I realize that because of Slender: The Eight Pages, the forest has become a big part of the Slenderman lore, and so it's understandable that bits of the movie would take place in the forest, but literally I get the feeling that if this movie was rated NC-17, we would end up with tree tentacle porn.

This movie is retarded, and if you watch it, watch it to laugh at it, don't think that it's actually going to be good.