Review of Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow (2004) by Dino B — 30 Dec 2010

Wow, I grappled with a rating for this movie. Like Batman-battling-Hitler-on-the-peak-of-Mount-Doom grappling. Pacing. Style. Visuals. Tone. Genre. What this film does right, it does scary right--like no other movie out there. And yet...it lacks the qualities of a landmark film that will be remembered or a personal favorite that I'll want to dust off, slide into the futuristic orgasmatron DVD players of tomorrow, and watch as I weep about all that lost time I spent reviewing films instead of inviting women to my apartment to watch as I review films. Because of the overarching consensus about this movie, I'll only touch briefly on the more redundant aspects and focus on the central reasons I rate this film lower than most other people as well as what I view as its potential. If you've read my Transformers 2 review (which you should, so you can hate it as much as everyone else), you'll know the last thing I touched upon briefly was a woman's underwire as she stormed out the door mumbling something about loving Michael Bay (Ellen if you're reading this, please call).

Starting with the obvious: the visuals in this movie are fantastic--a rare understanding of using computerized digital technology to enhance a film's story instead of letting them be the sole defining feature (hem-hem, f--- you Michael Bay). These graphics not only draw you in to the action but ala Sin City they give the film a distinct comic book, film noir ambiance (thank you MS Thesaurus). The style is impecable and, for some reason, never imitated. Like a reverse-engineered fedora, every visual element drips with the optimistic fervor of the future as seen by the 40's. Ray-guns, robots, and female sky-pirates appear as if they were sketched out by the eager young hand of Fred Ray, except without the misogynistic sky-pirate house work that inevitably accompanied that era. Kerry Conran (director, writer, innovator) really brought life to the cinematography as this is the closest a the big screen ever comes to capturing a comic book's style.

Regrettably, these visuals are the icing delicately layered over a bland serving of poo pie--actually I guess that makes it a cake. From the first couple scenes, you can predict everything that is going to happen in this movie. A demonstration is in order here.

Scenario:

Grizzled, old scientists are being abducted one by one by an army of giant, super robots. Is this because:

A. Grizzled, old scientists were the Pokemon of the 1940's?

B. The robots are a symbol for the downtrodden proletariat uprising against the tyranical rule of the bourgeoisie?

or.

C. A lone mad scientist is rounding them all up in order to secretly build a nameless and truly unoriginal doomsday machine with the possible hopes of taking over the world?

God, I wish it was A.

I've never seen a plot more overused and boring. Besides the obvious plot holes which stink up Sky Captain with the fragrance of Axe: Bodywash for Dead and Diseased Cats (thank you Family Guy), I think the best parts are the barely explained Deus Ex Machinas--.

Sky Captain: "Why hello best friend Giovanni Ribisi who's been absent from this picture for at least an hour now, how did you come to save us just in the nick of time?".

GR: "You know, I was just like over there--hanging out.".

SC: "Well then where did this hovercraft come from, and who are these men you somehow found?".

GR: "Oh, we showed that in a scene that didn't make it into this film. Actually I'm not even sure if they made it at all. They said the cameras were running but I didn't see any film. Still, they told me it was a crucial scene without which the rest of the movie wouldn't make sense at all.".

SC: "Ah, I see. Okay, off we go.".

Additionally--to top our poo pie-cake thing with a lovely ejaculate frosting--here come the bland, forgettable characters. Well if it isn't the Gwenyth Paltrow portraying the lovable journalist/love interest, Blonde-Louis Lane. She likes to complain about how many shots her camera have left, and boy that was a funny joke in the writing room because we say it about a thousand times to many--just in case you forgot. And here's Sky Captain's scientist-side kick as played by Giovanni Ribici. You know he's a real person because he likes comic books and science fiction--we're not going to show you him reading comic books or anything, just take our word on it, mmmk? By far Sky Captain (Jude Law) is the worst character and super hero since all action scene featuring him usually end with his ass sorer than Barney Frank's after a meeting with the House Committee on Being Fabulous(this is to balance out some previous Glenn Beck remarks). I think Sky Captain is meant to be darker hero based on how he consciously leads attacking planes into a crowded city for cover and when he presumably kills a sick, elderly man (another significant scene they fail to show). To be fair, the acting in this film isn't necessarily bad--it does seem to suffer from the visual style. I guess there's a general trade-off when it comes to digitalized environments and acting (as proven by the Star Wars prequels) since the actors have less to work off of.

With all this terrible stuff said, I'd still like to see another film do what this one did tried to create: a graphically well-defined homage to the Golden Age of Comics. Something must have been lost between now and our radish-eating, Nazi-stabbing grandfathers because you never see a modern movie approach this genre. Imagine if they remade Flash Gordon without the cheese, horrendous graphics, flimsy story, and ubiquitous "who cares what we do to this franchise" attitude. Something that homages that forgotten era while adding something fresh and original to it. This is a lost piece of American folklore that begs to be rediscovered. Like misogyny.

(Ellen baby, you know I don't mean that. Just comment below and let me know what you want me to do. If it's stop reviewing movies, I can make it work. Just tell me, baby. Come on, don't make me do this to you in front of everyone.).