Review of Simon Sez (1999) by Jason D — 21 Mar 2010

In some alternate universe, people believed that using non-actor celebrities like popular musicians and actors was a sound idea and investment...oh wait, that's MY universe. After captivating audiences (note: sarcasm) with his debut in the Van Damme vehicle "Double Team", Dennis Rodman shows up to do more carefully choreographed kung-fu as Simon, a renegade Interpol agent (because they would totally hire someone that looked like him.

..right?) whose in the middle of an investigation until old acquaintance (played by a then unknown but still VERY unfunny Dane Cook) comes into town to settle a hostage negotiation with a briefcase carrying only a single disc that helps to program a massive laser gun that can destroy anything.

Lots of PG-13 friendly action ensues as the European streets are filled with American good guys running around and beating up a bunch of bad guy Europeans. This movie goes beyond the boundaries of being ridiculous.

Thank goodness Rodman's acting career never fully took off as well as director Kevin Elders never directing again, cause both these guys are turkeys! This film's only redeeming quality: it's enlisting of several comedians in supporting roles! Despite Cook being completely unfunny and dumb, he manages to appeal to a world of dumb people, who would probably somehow find his humor in this film still funny, despite how bad it is.

Still, there's also the comedy relief in the form John Pinette (who I love!) and Ricky Harris, playing Micro and Macro, two technology-savvy, wise-cracking monks who provide this films only genuine laughs.

Otherwise, Simon Sez is complete and utter trash.