Review of Silent Hill (2006) by Andrew M — 25 Mar 2013

Movies that are based on video games are never, EVER good. Resident Evil has spawned soon-to-be five mediocre movies, Max Payne had a pretty sorry excuse for a movie, Tomb Raider had two adequate-at-best films, and let's not even talk about the Super Mario Bros. movie. So its no surprise that the film adaptation of Silent Hill is a pile of utter crap.

The plot is absurd, straying pretty far away from its source material. Rose Da Silva's daughter, Shannon has strange nightmares and sleepwalking issues that are related to some place named "Silent Hill". What's the logical thing to do? Take her to the place you don't know anything about: duh! Even better: Rose didn't inform her husband, Christopher, so he's furious.

One unnecessary police chase and car accident later, Rose finds herself on the outskirts of the sooty, fog-ridden town, but Shannon has vanished. Rose soon meets up with the same cop who tried to pull her over earlier, and the two search for Shannon after realizing there's no way to leave the town. Things begin to go amiss when a siren goes off, and the town goes completely dark, causing walls to rust and unleashing terrifying monsters.

The movie soon spirals into a convoluted mess, filled with religious cults, accusations of witches, back stories that make little to no sense, and a tone that almost seems to be against religion. By the time you've sat through the two hours, you'll wonder what you just watched, and why you wasted your time watching it.

The acting isn't great, thanks to the terrible script. Characters often yell out lines that don't feel natural, and have you cringing at the stupidity of some of them. And some characters, like Christopher (played by Sean Bean), feels underused and almost serves no purpose, leaving you wondering why he's on screen.

The "terrifying" creatures aren't so scary due to the poor CGI used. The nightmarish creatures that haunt the town when darkness arrives move sporadically, looking more like bad stop-motion creations rather than CGI products. Even the atmosphere isn't scary, only making you feel a little creeped out here and there. Sure, any normal human being would be terrified if they were trapped in a haunted town enveloped in fog and darkness, but the movie has a hard time selling that idea.

Fans of the video game will enjoy the throwbacks to the series, even if they are only minor appearances. Pyramid Head is a pretty cool, if over-the-top, character when he's onscreen. But that's the problem: he's almost never onscreen. The zombie nurses are also a nice touch, even if they look like they should be in a Tim Burton stop-motion movie from the '90s.

The movie has too many flaws that outweigh the few good moments. A few minor game cameos aren't enough to save this movie from a bad script that's acted badly, cheap CGI, and the muddled plot. If you're looking for some scary entertainment, skip the movie and play the game.