Review of Shorts (2009) by Oscar R — 08 Apr 2010

Gifted filmmaker Robert Rodriguez (THE reason I decided to give this movie a shot and/or the time-of-day) makes another cinematic stumble with his latest effort, Shorts. I understand that Rodriguez wants to make films for his kids; but, enough is enough! Can't they just rewatch Spy Kids on Blu-Ray? I actually liked Spy Kids; and with that movie, Rodriguez found a happy medium which allowed parents to BOTH watch AND (actually) enjoy a movie with their kids.

Shorts ISN'T another one of these. Luckily (or maybe "thankfully" is a better word) Shorts is NOT as bad as the director's other kiddie-attempt, The Adventures of Sharkboy and Lavagirl -- a movie SO horrifically bad that (suicide please) movies I had once thought to be "bad" were no longer considered "bad".

I mean -- UGH (instead of the death penalty we could subject prisoners to neverending viewings of THIS monstrosity [although THIS would fit the definition of "cruel" so that makes it a no])!!!! Shorts follows an entire throng of individuals from a fictitional town of Black Falls who come into contact with a little flat, shiny, wish-granting, rainbow-colored rock.

It is entitled Shorts because it is a collection of short segments pieced together out of sequence (you know [rolling my eyes] -- to be cool!) that tells a story of power and greed amongst children and adults.

The story mainly revolves around a group of kids (the central child is played by Jimmy Bennett) and their "fun" adventures that come from their wishes placed upon the rock (crocodiles, miniature aliens [my favorite part]) until they are antagonized by the school's bully (a girl!! dully played by Jolie Vanier) who wants the rock for herself.

Adults also figure into the story when Bennett's parents (Jon Cryer and Leslie Mann) accidentally use the rock to become "closer together" and then their power-hungry, greedy boss Mr. Black (James Spader) wants the rock to become even richer and more powerful (he created the film's world's most requested household item (so he has LOTS of $$$) and already has the entire town named after him).

Inventor and germ-phobe (William H. Macy -- WHAT is he doing in this mess?!?) figures out a way to get rid of the rock (or the evil power that has come from it) and this allows for Shorts to turn into the message-flick Rodriguez was obviously intent in giving us -- "Green is the new black"! I am all for recycling and going green; but Shorts takes it a bit far with their condescending tone.

Shorts could be enjoyed by an elementary-aged audience; but I think it is a bit too juvenile for adults. The best thing of the movie (other than the mini-aliens and their mini-flying saucers) is the giant, gooey and green, gabbering booger that tries to destroy the inventor's house and eat his son.

No, not really -- the best thing is actually Kat Dennings (but there is a giant booger) who is too old to fit into the child-portion of the film and yet too young to fit the corporate, adult world. ..

. and that is the problem with Shorts -- its an odd fit that doesn't fit.