Review of Shark Night 3D (2011) by Lewis C — 05 Feb 2012

"That's a mighty fine rack of lamb.".

A group of college kids visits the lakeside home of a friend in order to celebrate and have some fun. Menacing locals are a quickly forgotten problem when a shark attacks one of them and they're forced to try to find some way to get help.

Shark Night isn't a terrible movie. It's just nothing remarkable. Almost a "tv movie of the week" version of a shark attack movie. The story starts of as forced and stale, before taking a turn for the utterly ridiculous.

The gore is toned down and the titillation is PG-13 at most (as is the movie rating). This isn't exactly the movie to seek out if you're looking for gore. It's just a few B-level actors and actresses getting munched on by fake-looking sharks (and mostly off-camera or obscured by water). There's one squirm-inducing death that's worth seeing, but it's over way too quickly and nothing that follows matches it.

The characters are so stereotypically written that it must have been done on purpose. You've got the shy, handsome nerd who's inexperienced with women, the annoying sidekick, the self-obsessed dumb guy, the tough-talking dude with a promising football future and a rough past in the hood, the slutty girl, and the all-American sweet love interest with "dark secrets" in her past that come back to haunt her. Oh, and a couple of the most over-the-top (and strangely knowledgeable) redneck characters I've ever seen. They all get way more screen-time than the sharks, which doesn't really make sense in a movie called "Shark Night".

Like I said, this isn't an awful movie. It just doesn't do much to justify its own existence. There's no real tension or menace to be had, here. It won't scare you like Jaws, and it won't entertain you while making you wince like the recent Piranha remake. Watch it if you're really bored (like I did), but this isn't a "must see" by any definition of the phrase. I have to admit, though, that Sara Paxton looks unbelievable in a bikini. Sign me up for some more of that, but keep the rest.