Review of Shark Night 3D (2011) by Coco P — 07 May 2018

Spoiler alert. I'm going to ignore the fact that sharks don't actively seek out and eat people because all shark movies do this. I'm also ignoring the fact that people can't see clearly underwater without goggles because every movies with water does this. Shark Night had me constantly rolling my eyes aside from these things.

First of all the opening of this movie wants to be Jaws so bad I got whiplash. A group of "end of high school kids", who look like they're in their mid-20s, head off on a vacation to a lake house. On the way they meet a childhood friend/sheriff, an ex-boyfriend, and a couple completely psychotic stereotypical rednecks. In fact as the movie progresses there end up being more psychopaths, all of varying degree of insane for reasons that also vary in explanation.

Once they arrive they have some typical horror movie college bound "kids" fun till Uh OH! A shark plucks one out of the water and rips his arm off.... Not eats... just takes it off. Despite this the gentleman makes it to shore and proceeds to bog the rest of the group down as they try to get him help. One would think just stay out of the water... but no. They go back into the water several times (once on a damn skidoo) and loose members of their party one by one to the various lake sharks. Why are sharks in a lake? Because the various psychopaths put them there... somehow.

The main villain of this movie I believe was written to be a grotesque man with a disfigured face. They tell this story of how the ex-girlfriend/party member tore his face up with a boat propeller on accident, and now he's doomed to a life of horror!... except he's like a GQ model with a small hardly noticeable scar on his cheek.

The whole movie is full of CGI sharks launching themselves out of the water at people in a totally overdone way, stupid people going out into the water despite knowing the sharks are there, psychopaths who are inhumanely crazy to the point where they have no problem murdering people in cold blood for no reason, and a terrible ending of a typical shark jumping at the camera. It has been done and over done better before.