Review of Shark Attack 3: Megalodon (2002) by Nicholas S — 08 Jul 2007

With a cast seemingly straight out of the Bulgarian adult film industry and computer-generated sharks large enough to swallow small yachts whole, Shark Attack 3 expands the draw of Megalodon-themed movies beyond the limited audience of disgruntled paleontologists. Describing this movie as derivative of the Jaws franchise is enough of an understatement that fans (or one-time viewers) of Spielberg & Successors shouldn't have very much difficulty picking out who is doomed to percolate through the Megalodon's digestive track, but the free associative quality of the dialogue ("I'm tired too, but I'm also really wired...how about I take you home and eat your pussy?") should keep most viewers alert enough to catch the larger plot holes. Although the quantity of carnage really pales in comparison to later entries in the Jaws series, the brilliant decision to use a shark last seen in the late Mesozoic gives those deaths which do occur superb novelty value (c.f. shark eating paraglider). At 94 minutes SA3 pushes the runtime envelope for the "large CGI fish" genre, but the last few scenes of this movie are so entertaining you won't even notice your brain cells crying out for more oxygen.

PROs: It's an 80-foot shark. Back when it was alive its primary prey was aquatic reptiles the size of double wides.

CONs: Bulgarian-inflected fake Mexican accents difficult to understand; serious overuse of stock footage; disappointingly low frequency of killings makes it unlikely that whoever you drag into this will stick around for the commendably sanguinary ending.