Review of Shaolin Soccer (2001) by Andrew K — 12 Apr 2013

Let me start by saying that this movie is bizarre in ways I never imagined possible, so if you're into weird shit than perhaps this is the movie for you, otherwise, yeah strap in for an unforgettable (though you'll be wishing you could) experience.

The special effects are God awful but thing that sticks out about Shaolin Soccer is just how stupid it is in every single way. The plot's stupid, the character's motivations are stupid, the action is stupid everything is stupid, and unfortunately not in the good sort of way.

The cinematorgraphy is downright nauseating at times. There are a few laughs to be had but there are a plethora of moments where it's clear the writers expects the viewer to laugh and I just found it weird and unfunny.

Also, I hope you like the movie spending about thirty minutes to tell what the setup and character motivations are when the audience will have it figured out in the ten. And let's talk about the side characters that populate the rest of the soccer team, they're so damn one dimensional and their exposition is done by them flat out telling their lifestory to the two main characters each time they meet a new one, which is only seen in the worst of writing.

It's sad that when you read the title "Shaolin Soccer" you think of all sorts of campy over the top ridiculousness, and there's just not much of that in this movie. It takes 50 minutes for any actual soccer to happen, and the shaolin just randomly pops up.

A more appropriate title would have been "Talking, Talking, No Character Development, then more Talking" because that's what you see the most of. It's also worth noting that for the character's devotion to "restore the honor to shaolin" this movie really detracts more honor than it restores (if any).

If you have to watch it, then skip to the last 30 minutes where you start to see the stuff they movie should have been showing us an hour ago!