Review of Sex Story: Fifty Shades of Grey (2015) by Maria B — 14 Feb 2016

Sitting through this film was like watching a Shakespeare play re-enactment by costumed kittens. A professional Dominant that falls in love with a cheeky virgin and constantly trembles in the knees around her is the least convincing lead character I've seen on screen in a decade.

The Disney-appropriate soundtrack doesn't help. Neither does all the white wine drinking in the scenes that are supposed to build tension. The movie crawls at the pace of two turtles trying to cross the road and falling asleep in the process.

It's about as sexual as "The Notebook". You'd be better off re-watching "Dangerous Liaisons". (I hope you don't drink white wine while doing that).