Review of Seventh Son (2014) by Steve B — 08 Feb 2015

This movie is based on Joseph Delaney's "Spooks" books. Have you ever heard of them? I had not. This makes me think that studios are desperately scouring the shelves for any multi-volume series that they can adapt into a (hopefully) long-running movie series. Seventh Son, I am sad to report, will most likely not result in such a series. Incomprehensible, with its two big stars doing their own crazy thing, apparently without direction from the formerly interesting Russian director Sergei Bodrov ("Prisoner of the Mountains"), the movie lurches from messy set piece to messy set piece without bothering with coherence. Oh, and though there are plenty of nasty white folks, the only people of color in the film just happen to be evil. Seriously - why bother? I guess the CGI looks pretty good, so there's that. Still, I forgot the entire movie as I was walking out of the theater, so maybe it wasn't all bad.

We get Jeff Bridges ("True Grit")! Julianne Moore ("Still Alice")! Alicia Vikander ("A Royal Affair")! Ben Barnes! (wait . . . who?). The former two are just making up their performances as they go, with Bridges riffing on every other alcoholic hero he's played. Vikander - lovely - comes away with fewer battle scars, but her part is so severely underwritten that this fact barely registers. Barnes ("The Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian") is a good-looking lad, but very boring.

And there you have it. I had a lot of questions at the end of the film, but I can't remember them anymore.