Review of Seventh Son (2014) by Chris H — 19 Aug 2015

"Seventh Son is the seventh son to a bunch of other fantasy adventure flicks".

Movie Review: Seventh Son.

Date Viewed: February 10 2015.

Directed By Sergei Bodrov (Prisoner of the Mountains, Nomad and Mongol).

Screenplay By Charles Levitt and Steven Knight, Story By Matt Greenberg, Based on the novel "The Spook's Apprentice" by Joseph Delaney.

Starring: Jeff Bridges, Julianne Moore, Ben Barnes, Alicia Vikander, Djimon Hounsou,.

Olivia Williams, Kit Harington, John DeSantis and Jason Scott Lee.

Being the seventh son to a bunch of other fantasy adventure flicks, "The Seventh Son" never had a chance of being good. It was made two and a half years ago, it was in the middle of a bidding war over Legendary Pictures which was originally from Warner Bros., when Universal finally bought Legendary Pictures they finally decided to release "Seventh Son" into the month of February. Oh yes! January and February are the months where Hollywood decides to dump the crud. Somehow, "Seventh Son" attracted the attention of Jeff Bridges and Julianne Moore who is about to win an Oscar for "Still Alice". A lot of money and big talent were thrown on the screen in "Seventh Son", a dull fantasy adventure filled with cheesy special effects and goofy looking creatures.

Bridges (who is the second Oscar winner this year to play a drunk legendary warrior) plays John Gregory, the last of a group of knights called the Spooks. When his apprentice (Kit Harington) gets killed by the malevolent Witch Mother Malkin (Moore), Gregory vows to her that he will seek vengeance for his death. Gregory quickly searches for a new apprentice and he does find one in Tom Ward, he is the seventh son of a seventh son. Ward keeps having recurring visions of the future involving a mighty dragon, Gregory and a witch named Alice Deane (Alicia Vikander), who is Mother Malkin's niece.

Malkin has the ability to morph into a mighty dragon while her assassin, the warlock Radu (Djimon Hounsou) has the ability to morph into a giant... green eel? I don't know! Soon, Tom, Gregory and his assistant, the ogre Tusk (John DeSantis) encounter a giant bear, a fiery skeleton knight and a giant ferocious creature who lives in the woods but the real danger is Mother Malkin who can transform herself into a mighty dragon. Malkin also has giant black nails and an exquisite black dress she probably borrowed from a Lady Gaga concert.

Jeff Bridges gives a Razzie-worthy performance as the Spook, Gregory. Aside from his awful accent, he is getting too old for this shit. He comes face-to-face with Malkin in dragon form and he fights off the giant bear. Djimon Hounsou and Olivia Williams are completely wasted here and Ben Barnes (formerly Prince Caspian from "The Chronicles of Narnia" movies) still shows that he is not capable of becoming a leading man. He is more wooden than Groot and he makes Robert Pattinson look like Marlon Brando.

Based on the series of "Wardstone Chronicles" books by Joseph Delaney, "Seventh Son" is an epic failure from Russian director Sergei Bodrov who has mastered adventure epics in the past. He made "Mongol" and "Prisoner of the Mountains", both of them were Oscar nominees for Best Foreign Language Film. Oh yeah, the screenplay for this bloated CGI mess was penned by Charles Leavitt (Blood Diamond) and Steven Knight (Locke). As the wise film critic Roger Ebert once said, "It takes a lot of talented people to make a movie this awful". Those words remain true to "Seventh Son", a tired fantasy that could cost Julianne Moore her Oscar.