Review of Scary Movie 5 (2013) by Rob T — 22 Feb 2015

Scary Movie V is like that one friend who will crack a joke, get a couple of laughs, and then repeat it long past the point where it is no longer funny. That being said, and considering the fact that I came off of watching A Haunted House 2 with its prolonged doll sex scene, I have to say I laughed in at least a couple parts.

As a franchise, Scary Movie has essentially stopped becoming a parody, and I say this as a firm believer in the genre. Parody is, at its heart, ingenious in its ability to convey the silliness in an otherwise serious genre. Intelligent parody takes a lot of creativity, just look at the Pythons, the Marx Brothers, Mel Brooks, etc.

At one point Scary Movie was a film to creatively parody the horror genre, particularly the slasher films of the 80's. Over time the parody went away, and what was left is the modern day equivalent to Ow My Balls! from Idiocracy, literally a series of people getting hit in the crotch. The public hasn't taken it well, given the series is progressively doing worse in the box office.

The big films in Scary Movie V are Mama, Paranormal Activity, Black Swan, and Planet of the Apes, with other references strewn throughout. Dan and Jody adopt the feral children of his deceased brother, Charlie Sheen, while their demonic mother causes terror in their heavily camera-laden house. Jody, meanwhile, wants to become a ballerina.

As a comedy, Scary Movie V is almost scientific in its ability to take the worst jokes and play them on a loop. How many times the Mama character started doing the robot in horror-speed (read: fast forwarding the film 2x), I couldn't tell you. The short jokes are repeated far too much and the long jokes continue way past their expiration date.

If I were to categorize the jokes, the majority would fall on Simon Rex, either him being injured, inadvertently injuring someone else, or being unaware of his own stupidity.

In second place would be the jokes about the family's maid, Maria. Maria is hilarious because she's not only fat and Mexican, she also loves Jesus. Luckily the film constantly reminds us of these points, with Maria either cleaning, very loudly pooping, or doing something related to the cross. And speaking in Mexican.

The best parts of Scary Movie V come from the Black Swan portions, where I will admit I cracked up watching Molly Shannon do ballet moves while constantly balancing a cigarette and a martini. Shannon is the only actress whose performance is consistently solid, which really sets her apart from the rest of the crew.

The bad news is that Scary Movie VI is a given, since while the box office grosses continue to drop, so does the budget, making the film still profitable. The budget for Scary Movie V is reportedly $20 million, just slightly above the first movie back in 2000. If Scary Movie IX has to be filmed on the budget of a McDonald's Happy Meal and only one person goes to see it, you can bet that a sequel will find its way to theaters.