Review of San Andreas (2015) by Stuart M — 26 Sep 2015

Surely an air rescue specialist would have something to do in the greatest natural calamity of our time? That's what I kept thinking during this film. After an intro establishing the Rock and his team rescuing a civilian we're shunted to him hovering around with nothing to do except locate random family members. What happened to his team? Why did nobody try to coordinate rescue operations with him? Why didn't he try and rescue anyone other than his estranged wife? It's nonsensically distracting, even in a film about monumental distractions.

Fortunately, his helicopter crashes about halfway in, giving us a reason to ignore the fact that it is literally his job to help in situations like this. From this point on it passes from one implausible action sequence to another. As expected, these action scenes are the best part of the film. They're also the only psarts where any effort was put in. Why is every disaster family the exact same? It always has a distant father with an estranged wife (bonus points for an actual divorce) who chooses to rescue her and his child (usually a girl) anyway. Details may include an evil or cowardly new boyfriend/husband, various prophetic yet somewhat crazy bearded authorities who nobody listens to, deep soul searching and renewed wedding vows, and young love being tested. This film fits the pattern to a T. In fact, it adds very little else. For a man of such immense charm, Dwayne Johnson has an awful hard time finding roles that will allow him to employ it. Here he's not allowed to display any actual personality until after the crash. Before that he is only a self-confident guy in a helmet issuing instructions.

My favorite scene? The one where Johnson and wife almost drive straight over a cliff simply because the camera wasn't looking in that direction. I mean it, he was looking straight ahead until she cried look out, and then he looks in front and there it is. Despite the fact that it must have been visible for the last half mile. Or maybe the scene where they stop their boat on top of a tidal wave, just to have an appreciating the horror of it scene.