Review of Rumble in the Bronx (1995) by Tyler R — 11 Nov 2008

Plot and acting are only so-so - in fact, not great. The jokes are pretty good, but that's not why I gave it five stars. Tony Jaa hits harder, Bruce Lee did it first, and Jet Li is scarier, but Jackie Chan makes a movie like this with a *BROKEN FOOT*. Hail to the king, suckers. BOW BEFORE THE MIGHT.

There are hits here that are as brutal as any you'll see in the first "Police Story" (in fact, there's some homages to "Police Story II" in the early fights), and more creativity than you can shake a stick at. Watch Jackie shove people into refrigerators, lift pinball machines, smack a guy around with an alpine ski, clock a dude straight in the face with a football helmet, and so much more I can't remember it all.

Some truly death-defying stunts are on display: leaping from building to building, surviving being *inside* the Wah Ha market when it gets demolished, riding a sailboat mast onto a bridge piling, leaping from same onto a moving hovercraft, escaping a pickup truck being pushed off the top of a parking garage, barefoot waterskiing behind a hovercraft (in a freaking leg cast!), being RUN OVER BY A HOVERCRAFT, taking a half a dozen broken bottles to the face, and dodging just about anything that is legal to drive on the road, moving at a high rate of speed.

The best of the jokes - watching Jackie Chan smash a goon's face with a football helmet (shrugged off) and then follow up with a threat from a pipe wrench (met with actual, literal, crying.).

Oh, and by the way, if you screw with Jackie Chan's friends or his girlfriend, he will literally drive a hovercraft up your ass. I'm deadly serious. I know it's crude, but it's the only way to properly illustrate the force and vehemence with which it's done. Beg for mercy, dead man!

An unending parade of awesome. Action fans, martial arts fans, and Jackie Chan fans *must* see this if they intend to be called devotees of any of these things. It rules so hard.