Review of Rock of Ages (2012) by Stevenf — 26 Jan 2013

For this to survive in the cinema, it needed the large ensemble cast for it to survive, and it needed the big stars to save it from being a completely bland and lacklustre attempt at a stage to screen movie, because it is all of the above, with very little shining moments in between.

Set in 1980s Los Angeles, we see Sherrie Christian (Julianne Hough) try to make it in the city of angels.

As an aspiring singer, Sherrie happens accidentally across The Bourbon club, an infamous rock and roll venue ran by Dennis Dupree (Alec Baldwin) and his associate, (and more than friend) Lonny Barnett (Russell Brand), who play host on occasion to the legendary band Arsenal, led by the eccentric and infamous rock stars rolled into one, Stacee Jaxx (Tom Cruise).

The storyline of love and despair through song eventually kicks in with Sherrie falling for Bourbon barman and (who knew) aspiring singer Drew Boley (Diego Boneta).

To hear your favourite songs of yester-year being belted out by Cruise is a true privilege, but not only to the songs feel too studio, the story for which they are placed is just too plain, boring and predictable.

Hough and Boley's characters fall in love around ten minutes into this sing a-long, that has to be a record considering this film weighs in at over two hours long, it was indeed a long attempt at fitting a story and a musical into this time frame, I would have been satisfied with the singing alone, simply because these two lovebirds cannot carry the movie alone, their characters simply aren't captivating enough to sustain as the sole leads, cue Tom Cruise, Alec Baldwin and even the limited screen time of Bryan Cranston to help pull this rock show through.There is also a small but significant appearance from the brilliant Paul Giamatti.

Was it a case of the film moving too quickly? No, quite the opposite in fact, more time should have been spent actually creating a relevant environment for the songs to occur rather than throwing a scene together just to fit the pace of the film and completely randomise a song choice, causing the song to feel out of place and rushed at times. Tom Cruise is arguably the standout of the film, his one line sexual innuendos are brilliant, his wonderful throw back to the rock stars of the past help put him in the drivers seat to belt out such classics as Don't Stop Believing, (not butchering it, I'm looking at you Glee), Wanted Dead or Alive, Here I Go Again etc etc.

Like mentioned before, the big numbers sound too staged and and remixed, but they are still fun to listen to, even if it wasn't the original vocals.

The bad hair is there, the LA skyline is there, and the tightly clad female strippers are also in large proportions, but this simply isn't enough to save this not so much cheesy, but more believing it is so much better than it actually is film. Sheer fun, but not fun in the sense of it knowing its own premise, Rock of Ages tries to hard to deliver something that got lost in the mail a long time ago, see it for the nostalgia and for the Hollywood household names, but this is one rock concert you may want to ask for a refund or demand the starring acts be put into a supporting or opening band role, leave it to the professionals to deliver the goods.