Review of RoboCop 3 (1993) by Terry W — 26 Apr 2009

The much maligned "RoboCop 3" does a few things right. For one, they got Basil Poledouris to come back and supply an appropriately moody musical score. Also, Robert John Burke does an adequate job as the replacement Robo, even though the role doesn't require much more than strutting in a metal suit and delivering monotone one-liners. His performance as the title character in the exquisitely weird "Dust Devil" is impressive even if the movie leaves a lot to be desired; it's hard to gauge the caliber of his performance in "RoboCop 3" since his character arc is so simplistic, and the biggest acting stretch involves affixing a machine gun to his detachable left hand. Perhaps we can applaud his ability to not laugh while confronting two clones of a Japanese cyborg named "Otomo", who, as my friend Daniel asserts, "looks like an Asian Kyle MacLachlan". Which would be one of nigh countless errors.

Fred Dekker's lunkheaded direction makes one yearn for the clunky yet confident touch of Irvin Kirshner. We've come a long way from Verhoeven to the director of "The Monster Squad" in just 4 short years (6 if you include the 2 years "RoboCop 3" sat on the shelf before Orion was forced to release it on the eve of bankruptcy). Budget shortcomings belie the dire financial straits Orion was embroiled in; either Peter Weller was out of their price range or he read the script and immediately threw it into the nearest open fire. Most of the action takes place in warehouses, dark rooms, dilapidated buildings, or cheap looking "laboratories" consisting of flashing lights and electrical wires. Removing blood squibs cleared up a lot of money to simulate Otomo and supply OCP with strange Neo-Fascist leather uniforms. The most impressive set piece is a bit of "urban resettlement" involving OCP's Nazi "REHAB" unit shuttling skid-row residents into crowded buses, ostensibly to make room for towering phallic glass skyscrapers.

It's pretty juvenile social commentary, reflecting the Right's party line of "Japs are taking over! It's the dawn of Socialism! America's industries are doomed!" Replace the Japanese devils with Red Chinese devils and it looks a lot like today -- granted, society may have moved beyond the need for a metallic police officer to tell us what to despise. When the Nazis kill an important recurring character, Robo must declare unilateral war on the evil corporation (of course, he must first carry her into a church, in a gross echo of the Pieta, and lay her on an altar so she can whisper "Get 'em for me!" before perishing, which would in itself echo Tyne Daly's death in "The Enforcer"). But what of Prime Directive number 4, implanted by Ronny Cox at Robo's birth and never removed? Thanks to a handy group of endearingly inept "revolutionaries" and an OCP scientist who's all too willing to defect, that problem's hardly an issue. Then it's a series of explosions, car chases, bloodless shootouts and dramatic dives through candy glass. Oh yeah, Robo also has a flight pack and the Nazis have teamed up with a contingent of "Splatter Punks" to duke it out in the streets of Detroit (filmed in one of the many rundown areas of Atlanta).

The conflicts are solved insultingly quickly and easily in the third act, which could kindly be called a travesty on all levels. If you're bored and find yourself playing "spot the TV star", you don't have a short attention span, you're just too old to enjoy the sophomoric goings-on. At least there are, at minimum, half a dozen. My favorite is Jeff Garlin from "Curb Your Enthusiasm" as a clerk at a donut store, whose perfect one-liner might as well be directed at anyone who finds themselves watching the film. "So, how does it feel to be a rocket scientist?".

Well, Jeff, I can't say I enjoyed it, but in terms of sheer entertainment it works (albeit unintentionally) thanks to seriously dated production design, a laughable "moral", one-dimensional comic-book characters, ultraviolence that panders to children, plot holes that even ED-209 could recognize (and walk through), hammy actors hamming to the hilt. Quality wise we're just a notch above the cheaply animated "RoboCop" cartoon series.